


Walls

by pastelprince



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU where Vicchan doesn't die, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Amateur Katsuki Yuuri, Angst, Coach Victor Nikiforov, Deaf Character, Deaf Victor Nikiforov, Fluff, Gay Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Pansexual Katsuki Yuuri, Retired Victor Nikiforov, Slow Burn, Sweet sweet slow burn, mainly Yuuri's pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:40:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9166576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelprince/pseuds/pastelprince
Summary: There are many walls in Victor Nikiforov's life. After his sudden retirement, he has nothing, hears nothing, and is lonely, injured and traumatised. Nothing goes right.Until he meets a cute barista with long black hair and glasses who makes a sweet, sweet latte.





	1. Vanilla Latte

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I haven't written a multi-chapter fanfic in absolutely forever, and I hope this one will be a whopper, believe me. Hopefully I'm not too rusty, haha ^^"  
> Okay so this is an obligatory coffee shop AU just because I love them, but eventually this is gonna pan out into something much more developed. Honestly, it'll mainly be about skating.  
> Small parts are in Japanese because well, they're in Japan, and I feel like some things can't exactly be conveyed in a translation i.e. politeness customs. But it's appropriate, I promise ;p
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

Victor Nikiforov was met with a great wall. Having had an extremely successful career in figure skating, including winning the World Championship five times as well as multiple world records, his sudden retirement had pretty much totally deprived his life of any substance whatsoever.

At some point within the two empty years following his retirement, Victor had given up on the attempt to climb that wall standing in his way. But the fact was, without figure skating, who was he? And every time he despaired over this fact, he ended up trying to slice away his troubles with the blades of a pair of skates on the ice of Tokyo's smallest rink, the Kiri Arena.

Victor didn't exactly love going to the rink, no, not really - it was a thirty minute train ride from his apartment in the depths of Shinjuku to the outskirts, but when Victor once tried to practice at the rink in Shinjuku, he was totally swamped. He didn't used to mind all the attention, but not like this. Victor liked Japan. It's peaceful, it's pretty, the food's tasty and there are lots of cute boys. However, the pressure of skating in the presence of so many fans at the Shinjuku rink was impossible for Victor. He couldn't bear to be seen like he was now.

But he had to skate.

He had to, it was all that he knew, it was the only way he could forget; thus, he had ended up at the Kiri arena the third day in a row.

"Ah, Victor-san. Back again so soon? You're quite eager," the tall man at reception smirked as Victor walked up to him.

"Trust me, Kouichi, it's only so that I can clear my head a bit. Don't expect me to be signing up to any competitions any time soon," Victor smiled in return.

"That's a waste. You may be nearly thirty and retired, but you're definitely still in better shape than anyone around here," Kouichi leaned forwards. "do a couple of triples and you'll win and get some cash. Easy peasy."

"Yeah, and it'd be all over the internet. _'Victor Nikiforov crashes and burns in mess of a program, steals money from young skaters'_. You're thoughtful, but I'll pass on that, thanks," Victor sighed. "Just take my money and let me in."

Kouichi laughed heartily and obliged, taking the coins that Victor had thrust into his palm.

"Mind if I join you tonight?" Kouichi added, already in the process of closing up. "I'd hoped you've known me long enough by now to think that I'm a better counsellor than the ice."

"If you really want, Kou-chan," Victor grinned over his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri sighed. Why was he always on the late shift? Why did the café even close so late? He didn't know, but for whatever reason, it was bad for his sleeping pattern. As the time neared 8pm, Yuuri could barely keep his eyes open. And as it got closer to 9, he was one tiny piece of common sense away from settling onto the floor behind the counter. Of course, once he got home, he'd be as awake as anything - but the lack of customers at this time always made his fatigue increase tenfold.

"Yu-chan... I can't do this much longer..." Yuuri whined to his co-worker, tightening his grip around a mug of coffee he'd brewed for himself until his fingertips turned white. Yuuko promptly struck him on the cheek.

"Pull it together, Yuuri! Only half an hour to go!"

"You won't let me sleep in the back again? Pleaaase, Yu-chaaan... It's the only sleep I'll get all night," Yuuri complained, rubbing his newly sore cheek.

"Yeah, like that turned out brilliantly! Knowing our luck, the manager will pop up again to see how you're coping. You nearly got both of us fired!" Yuuko sighed. Yuuri made a small 'hmph' and made a feeble attempt to straighten his back, peering around at the couple of customers. He'd originally worked during the day shift, but he'd proven himself to become extremely clumsy during peak times - once he put whipped cream on a hot chocolate and served it, only to find he'd not even put water in the cup. Nevermind the fact that he tripped over absolutely nothing and obliterated the mug into a million shards on the way back to make a fresh one (post-complaint). Needless to say, the customer declared that the store was 'an absolute nightmare', and that she, a 'valuable regular', would 'never come back again'. Luckily, Yuuri's manager Nishigori was sympathetic and suggested he'd be more suited to a shift of lesser demand. Yuuko was once the only one working at this time, and it was totally unnecessary for two of them to be handling the shop, but it was obvious that Nishigori was kind and didn't want to make Yuuri unemployed. Bless him.

Although he definitely reconsidered upon finding him on the floor of the storeroom, snoring. Close one.

Yuuri managed to perk up a little upon hearing the tinkle of the door bell.

"Irasshaimas-..." Yuuri cut his welcome short. He knew this man. Oh, he knew this man so, so well. Not appearing to have noticed the way he'd frozen up the barista, his blue eyes surveyed the shop and looked up to the menu behind Yuuri. Another man with black, parted hair with an undercut, around the same height as the first man, followed behind and looked straight at Yuuri, seemingly about to order.

Yuuri shook himself. He was professional. He could do this. For one, he definitely did not want Victor Nikiforov, his life-inspiration and idol to be the one who called for his imminent firing from his job. (Or his friend, for that matter).

"Irasshaimase!!" Yuuri called again, perhaps a little louder than was necessary, making his voice crack a little. Victor only smiled a sweet smile in his direction as he waited for his friend to order. Yuuri felt his face heat up and his chest constrict. _I wanna die, I wanna die, oh god I can't deal with this._

"Hi, what would you like?" Yuuri asked the Japanese man who approached the desk, trying to control the wobble in his voice and staring way too hard at him. Trying desperately to forget that Victor was even there.

"Hmm... Can I have a small cappucino please? Oh, and make that two shots." He ordered, shooting a stoic look down at Yuuri. He was pretty intimidating. And on second thoughts, now that Yuuri was looking at him properly, pretty familiar too...? But he wasn't exactly in the right state of mind for his memory to serve him correctly. He worked the till as quickly as he could, putting in the kinda-familiar man's order and taking his money with a gabbled,

"Thank you, it's coming right up down at the end." It was then that he chanced a look at Yuuko, who was totally transfixed on Victor. Yuuri cleared his throat obnoxiously.  
"Oh!" She exclaimed, rushedly looking down at the order and putting a cup into the coffee machine.

Yuuri held his breath as he turned back around and looked at Victor. He was still looking at the menu, seemingly in thought. As Yuuri exhaled, he began to panic. What should he do? He knew Victor lived in Japan, but not anywhere near here! Could he read Japanese? Could he even speak it? There had been very little information on Victor ever since his retirement as he seemed to completely ignore fans immediately after. And then, as he opened up more to his fans, people had lost interest. Yuuri always wondered what had happened to him. He definitely wasn't the same as before his retirement, but-

That was irrelevant. Victor was right there, looking confused, and Yuuri was serving him and he didn't even know which language to speak. Did he need the menu translated? Yuuri's English was pretty rusty, and he knew very little Russian, but then again Victor had been living in Japan for three years. He would know? Right?

"Hello, sir - menu yomukoto ga dekimasu ka? Cho- wait- shit- Are you daijou- OKAY?" Yuuri gabbled. He could have died pretty much there and then. Victor Nikiforov, five-time world champion, his idol, would only ever know Yuuri as a mess of an anxious café barista who couldn't even get his words out. He cringed inside and gaped as he waited for Victor's reaction.

Weirdly enough, it didn't come. Victor's face didn't even move as he continued to look at the menu pensively. Yuuri whipped his head around to Yuuko in panic, but thankfully his worries were answered.

"He can speak Japanese totally fine, don't worry," Victor's friend chuckled. He gently touched Victor on the shoulder, and Victor looked at him before asking,

"Kouichi, what do you recommend?" Yuuri felt his heart sink. Victor seemed to have totally ignored him. Was he really as cold as some fans said he was? Yuuri always believed in his heart that Victor was just as kind as ever, but rather just didn't want to deal with the publicity surrounding his retirement. Had he really just turned into an ass?

"I don't know what sugar addicts like you drink. Get a hot chocolate or something, I dunno. I only ever order the cappucino or an espresso," the man, Kouichi, shrugged. Victor turned to Yuuri and gave him another one of those kind smiles. What?

"Well then, this is my first time here, so I guess I will just go with a hot choco-" Yuuri interrupted him.

"I-if it's your first time here, I can try to help! Um, the hot chocolate is good, but another favourite of sweet-tooths is the vanilla chai latte. Or the cream frappucino," he suggested, looking into Victor's face properly. Wow, he was just as good-looking as everyone had always said.

"How about you?" Victor asked, still smiling. Yuuri stalled. What were they just talking about?

"Um, sorry?" Yuuri squeaked.

"What's your favourite?" Victor continued. Victor was really taking into account what Yuuri liked? This was. Becoming a little unprofessional. Yuuri laughed it off, willing himself to work hard.

"It's not on the menu, but I like a vanilla chai latte with caramel and chocolate. It's a bit too sickly for most people, so I wouldn't exactly recommend it, like, but I'd make an exception for you, I'd definitely make it-"

"I'll have that then. A medium one," Victor confirmed, handing him 800 yen. "Don't worry about change." Yuuri dropped pretty much all of the coins, which thankfully made Victor laugh and say 'thank you very much' before going to join Kouichi at a table, rather than become irritated.

Yuuri sighed a huge, long sigh. And then smiled. He successfully served Victor Nikiforov without throwing up! Just as he was about to collapse onto the floor, he felt a sharp jab into his side.

"Ouch, Yuuko!" Yuuri complained hushedly, rubbing his second Yu-chan-inflicted injury of the shift.

"What's he doing here?!" Yuuko whispered in alarm.

"I guess he was skating at Kiri? I've never seen him there before though..." Yuuri replied. As he thought of the Kiri Arena, he came across a sudden jerk in his memory. "Oh, that guy Kouichi-san owns it! I knew I recognised him from somewhere. Not that I see how he managed to get to know Victor Nikiforov..."

"If they've been at the rink this late, I'd definitely say they're very friendly. One-on-one skating lessons?" Yuuko winked. Yuuri was the one to jab her in the side this time.  
"Stop! Just go and take Kouichi-san his drink before they start complaining about the service. I'll get onto Victor's now," Yuuri said, standing himself before the tower of mugs awkwardly. His insides squeezed up. How the hell was he supposed to make a satisfactory cup of coffee for THE Victor Nikiforov? And something that he'd made up just for himself, no less! He wished he had just said his favourite was a hot chocolate. The machine made them perfectly.

His hands shook as he measured out each component of the drink and added water. As he stared at the desperately white foam on top, he despaired over what kind of picture to make with the chocolate topping. For Victor, he had to do at least something special. He started making the shape of a heart, and suddenly came to a halt as he realised the kind of implications it may have. His cheeks burned. One, Victor would think he was another obsessed fan (which he was, okay, but he didn't want him to know!), or two, Victor would think he was making a move on him. Which was a situation Yuuri definitely knew he would not be able to process or deal with. He hastily threw the latte down the sink.  
Okay, attempt number two. Time was getting on now, and Yuuri knew that he had no excuse with the low number of customers. This one had to be perfect.

He measured out the ingredients once more, to just how he liked it, trying not to think about the fact that it'd be Victor drinking HIS drink. He settled for a friendly star as the chocolate topping, adding a few small ones around the edge for extra effect. His legs shook as he walked over to their table with the sugary concoction.

"I hope you like it, my co-worker always tells me it's disgusting whenever I drink one," Yuuri lauged shakily as he came up behind Victor. Perhaps he'd been a little quiet, as Victor just continued talking to Kouichi as if nobody was there, until Kouichi held a hand up and pointed at Yuuri. Victor immediately stopped speaking and looked around with an expression of genuine surprise.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there! Thank you," he smiled as Yuuri set it down in front of him, locking eyes. Yuuri flushed red.

"S-sorry for the wait," he added.

"Don't worry, that just means you put more care into it, right? Thank you. I'm sure I'll like it, especially since it's your own creation," Victor said gently as he looked at Yuuri, before turning back to Kouichi and appreciating the picture atop his drink.

"You're welcome," Yuuri mumbled as he walked away. His heart was thundering. He had enough issues talking to normal customers, nevermind his idol.

He managed to calm down as he leant by the counter with Yuuko and talked it out. He kept watch on their table for a while, wondering if he should ask for a photo or something after all. Yet somehow, Yuuri didn't feel like it was appropriate. Victor looked as young as he always had, and his hair was in the same style, and he wore the same kinds of clothes and yet - he looked so drained. Yuuri didn't know whether he'd just tired himself out at the rink, but Victor seemed so subdued compared to the Victor he'd seen in interviews at tournaments.

As Kouichi spoke, Victor smiled a sad smile and was looking at him softly. Yuuri turned around, feeling as if he was eavesdropping on some kind of moment of theirs. What if there was some truth in Yuuko's joke? Victor was gay, Yuuri was pretty sure. Lots of rumours claimed he'd dated other male figure skaters, the longest one being with Christophe Giacometti - but none of them had ever lasted. Was he dating Kouichi? His eyes had been fixed on him the entire time...

"Not feeling so tired now, are we?" Yuuko teased as she came up behind him. Yuuri jumped.

"Don't sneak up on me like that..."

"I didn't _sneak!_ You're just too busy thinking about Victor. Why don't you ask him for a photo?"

"N-no. I don't think he wants that..." Yuuri explained. "Stop looking at them, you're being rude," he scolded as he saw her staring in their direction. Her face froze, and she didn't reply.

"Yu-chan?" Yuuri walked over to her carefully.

"He's crying," she hushed.

"What?" Yuuri replied as he quickly looked over. Sure enough, Victor had his head in his hands, and his shoulders were quaking ever so slightly. Kouichi was reached over with a hand on Victor's shoulder, looking rather perplexed as he attempted to console him. Yuuri's heart squeezed. As he thought, Victor really wasn't okay at all. Victor didn't know him, but he knew Victor as well as he could without being in direct contact, and he wanted to get a better look. He didn't know this side of Victor at all. He wanted to know everything.

But that was hardly appropriate. Yuuri was a stranger.

He had to stop looking at them.

"I can't watch them, Yu-chan," he said.

"What's happened to him? People said he'd been acting weird ever since he retired," Yuuko pondered. "Think someone he knew died or something?"

"I don't know," Yuuri replied.

He didn't get a chance to think about it, either, as three customers came through the door to order some takeaways before they started to close up. Yuuri made a green tea, and then a latte whilst Yuuko decorated the froth of a mocha. Just as they'd finished serving the three customers, Yuuri turned back to his post only to find Victor right there. He jumped, and then put on his best customer service smile. Victor smiled back and said,

"It was delicious. I'll definitely come again," he bowed. Yuuri bowed deeper and said,

"Thank you very much."

And with that, Victor was gone. And all the way through cleaning up and closing the shop, getting the train, walking home, feeding the dog and playing video games -

Yuuri could not stop thinking about him.

 


	2. Moonlight Silver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Wow, so I actually spent the day writing this. Updates are going to be rarer once uni gets underway though, unfortunately :c  
> Thank you for the really lovely comments! They motivated me a lot, they really did, so thanks v much ;o;  
> so now y'all get to find out more about the very elusive Victor, haha; it seems I'm going to be pretty mean with him in this fic. It'll all be okay though, I promise :)  
> Enjoy!

 

Victor knew he'd overdone it by going to the rink three times in a week.

When he woke up the next morning, the pain was so much that he could barely even walk (at least, without an 'ouch' at every step). He knew he was condemned to resting for at least a week at this rate - luckily, he didn't have any work until next week.

He made breakfast (lunch?), which consisted of pancakes and a milky coffee, fetched his phone from his bedside table, and tentatively laid himself down on the sofa for the day. He checked his phone and winced as the notification '50 new messages' made itself clear. Had something terrible happened? He braced himself as he unlocked it, only to find that each and every one of them was from Kouichi.

He chuckled a little - after offloading pretty much all of his stresses onto Kouichi yesterday, it appeared that he'd taken it upon himself to be there at his every beck and call. He'd even driven Victor all the way back home after their little coffee session so that he wouldn't have to get the train. Unfortunately, it seemed as if that hadn't saved him a whole lot of pain.

Victor scrolled through the plethora of texts amusedly.

  
  
**Kouichi**

_It's morning now, wake up_

_Victor_

_Hope you keep your phone in your pocket when you sleep_

_Guess not_

_Wake the hell up_

_Dreaming about cute barista boy too hard?_

_How are your legs today_

_Do you want me to come over_

_Or ask someone else to come over_

_Or make like one friend and ask them to come over_

_Victor_

_Jesus, it's like 1pm, wake up_

_v_

_i_

_c_

_t_

_o_

_r_

_(¬д¬。)_

The remaining 31 messages were mainly just spam and angry kaomoji. Naturally, Victor ignored most of it and simply replied,

 

**Victor**

_your efforts went to waste, sorry my phone was on my bedside table lol_

 

Victor went to turn on the TV, only to see that the remote control was over on the stand. He contemplated going to get it, alas he was reminded of the stiffness in his knees when he swung one foot onto the floor. He cursed at the pain, and defeatedly brought it back onto the sofa.

He hated this. He hated it so much. To make matters worse, when he got down like this, he'd go skating. Yet, he'd already done that one too many times this week, and as a result, he had rendered himself helpless and bedridden. He pinched the bridge of his nose and attempted to breathe steadily. He was so, so stupid. Why couldn't he just find a hobby he liked, like a normal person? So many people acquire disabilities and manage to completely switch their lives around, and some of them even end up happier than before. Why not him, too? If he had to blame somebody, he definitely blamed his parents. From a young age, he was pushed to pursue what he was good at, which was skating and music. And now, he couldn't pursue either of them. Now, whenever he tried to get into something new, it just didn't take. He had no motivation. Nothing interested him. Doing what he was familiar with only hurt him more.

He jumped when he felt the vibration of his phone in his hand.

 

**Kouichi**

_You're in a bad way, aren't you? People don't sleep for that long if they don't need it. I'm gonna come over to make you dinner whether you like it or not._

 

Victor felt the corner of his mouth twitch into a slight smile. Usually, he would refuse, not wanting to bother anyone unnecessarily. Yet, he could really use the company. It would be nice.

 

**Victor**

_ok, kou-chan. fine~_

 

* * *

 

 

 

Yuuri made a point of going to the Kiri Arena every day, as late as he could for the next week. No sign of Victor. He did, however, see Kouichi at reception every night. No clues there either - one night, once he'd ushered all of the skaters out of the rink, Yuuri stayed behind as he didn't have work, and watched Kouichi close up and leave, with no Victor in sight. One quick google also revealed, as Yuuri had thought, that Victor lived in Shinjuku. Pretty far out from the rink in Funado.

Kouichi next came into the café in the early evening on Monday of the next week, presumably before his shift at the rink. He ordered a cappucino again - but no Victor in tow. Yuuko didn't miss the way Yuuri's face fell, either.

"How about you just ask him about Victor? Rather than stalking him? He probably recognises you now," she sniggered.

"I couldn't do that! I have no excuse for wanting to know about him, it'd be awkward," Yuuri replied in alarm.

"He's famous, it's natural a fan would ask about him."

"No, it's not! If I say I'm a fan, he'll know I've just been trying to stalk him," Yuuri huffed.

"So you admit you're stalking him?" Yuuko beamed in amusement.

"I didn't mean it like that! It just came out because you said it..."

"Mhm, I'm sure that's what they all say," she smirked. Yuuri sighed in defeat. Since she loved teasing him so much, there was no way to stop her.

"I'm the worst type of fan," Yuuri admitted. "I... I just wanna know what he's like."

"Mmm, well he did say he'd come again. I guess you just have to wait."

 

 

  
Yuuko was right.

Victor came to the café with Kouichi again the week after that. On Monday, and Tuesday. He ordered Yuuri's drink again both times, and made Yuuri blush with fervor after complimenting him on his haircut. Victor seemed a lot happier this time; his sad smiles were few, and him and Kouichi were often smiling genuine smiles. He didn't cry. He was much more upbeat. Yuuri wondered whether he'd assumed incorrectly about a deep change within Victor, but he felt there still wasn't something quite right. The random times he didn't hear Yuuri. The slight wobble in his step.

Yet, he did seem much happier than the last time Yuuri saw him. It wasn't Yuuri's place to be curious about him, so he could at least be happy with the fact that Victor appeared to be content. He wondered whether Victor and Kouichi were dating; he'd heard Kouichi say 'you're coming back to mine, right?', and he was pretty sure that them going for coffee together counted as a date.

Yuuri had an issue.

And that's why, on his night off on Wednesday, he'd just, by total chance of course, ended up taking Vicchan for a walk at Ukima Park. Which was a couple of minutes walk away from the café. He definitely wasn't checking whether Victor was there. Nuh-uh.

Okay, he totally was, and it was an abysmal let-down, too. Yuuri watched Nishigori close the shop from a nearby bench, and none of the three customers which filed out were Victor. He sighed and looked up to the night sky. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and a faint dust of orange scattered the distant horizon as a remnant of the setting sun. Yuuri surveyed the stars and tried to work out where each constellation might start and end - his elder sister used to tell him about them when he was young, but he only ever really admired how pretty they were - and put walls between each of them in his mind's eye.

"At least it's a nice night, right, Vicchan?" he said as he scratched Vicchan behind the ears. Vicchan, who was sat on the ground next to Yuuri's legs, leant his head on Yuuri's knee. Yuuri smiled at the sweet gesture and revelled in the comforting quietness.

It was because it was so quiet, that he just about heard a cry of pain in the distance behind him somewhere. Yuuri wondered if he had imagined it, but Vicchan appeared to have heard as well, as he stood up and looked around cautiously. Since the sun had set, the beautiful night was pretty as well as dangerous around here - the only lit streetlights were by the station, so somebody could easily injure themselves in the park.

Yuuri took it upon himself to investigate; Vicchan did wonders for his anxiety. When he was with him, he didn't panic so much, and he felt a stronger sense of bravery. He thought to the lake further up the park. That was definitely the most dangerous spot, and it would be disasterous for someone to have slipped and fallen into the icy, winter waters. He walked north to the lakeside briskly, letting Vicchan pull him along for once.

"Hello? Is somebody hurt?" he shouted out as he went. No response. Not good. As he came up to the lake, he saw the breathtaking view of silvery waters where the moon had been reflected. Not only was it appealing to see, but this phenomenon was also what enlightened the area, enabling Yuuri to see a figure slumped on the floor against the bench in front of the lake.

"Are you okay?!" he called out again as he ran up to the bench. They didn't reply.

"Can you hear me?!" he called again just before he reached them. He unhooked Vicchan's lead and bent down beside the figure, and froze. Silver hair and blue eyes caught the light of the moonbeam and shone. It was Victor.

Victor looked just as shocked as he was.

"Oh hey, it's you, vanilla latte boy," he said rather perplexedly. Yuuri tried not to think about the fact that he'd named him 'vanilla latte boy' and went to combat the matter at hand.

"Are you okay?" Yuuri asked, his voice laced with sincere worry as he checked around Victor's body on the floor. There appeared to be nothing dangerous around.

"Don't worry, it looks worse than it is. My legs aren't so good. I stood up and got a cramp, and I guess I just threw myself to the floor after realising one leg wasn't working," he chuckled. Yuuri exhaled in relief.

"You really worried me. All I could see was a body on the ground by the shore, and you weren't responding to my calls..." Yuuri explained.

"Ah," Victor put a hand to his neck awkardly and smiled. "Sorry to worry you like that. I'm deaf, so calling out doesn't do a whole lot of good unfortunately," he explained.

Something clicked in Yuuri's mind. That explained the apparent ignoring, and the concentrated stare he had when he spoke with you (not that Yuuri minded that since his eyes are so pretty - wait what?). Yuuri dreaded to think what he'd been through - he was definitely correct in thinking that something had happened to Victor, and forced him to retire. 

"Oh right, sorry, I won't do that again," Yuuri smiled softly. "You can read my lips, then?"

"Yeah, luckily. Took me a while to master, though," Victor nodded.

"I can imagine," Yuuri sympathised, and sat down next to Victor on the cool, gravelly bank with their backs against the seat of the bench. "Are your legs okay? Like... will you be able to walk away or should I call someone or something?" Yuuri felt a little at a loss. He really wanted to help Victor, he did, but he had no idea what he was supposed to do in this kind of situation.

"I'll be alright, I think. They're still stiff, and they hurt, but they'll be, uh... walkable once I've rested here for a while," Victor said. Yuuri nodded and assured him,

"I'll wait here with you."

"You don't have to, if you have something else to do. But thank you, I appreciate it," Victor smiled gently. Now that he had calmed down, Yuuri appreciated the way the moonlight caught on Victor's warm turquoise irises, and the way his silver hair shone. He had to suck in a breath. _It must be the effect of being in such close proximity to my idol_ , he assured himself.

Vicchan, having decided that there was nothing to be afraid of, walked up to Victor and nuzzled under his arm. Victor jumped and then beamed a smile which was as bright as the sun.

"Wow, hello! I used to have a dog who looked just like you. What's your name?" he said to Vicchan as he fussed over him. Yuuri waited, almost expecting a reply from Vicchan, before promptly reminding himself that dogs can't talk when Victor tilted his head towards Yuuri to find out the answer.

"O-Oh! Right, his name's..." Yuuri suddenly realised the compromising situation he'd been thrown into. "...Vicchan."

"Vicchan? That wouldn't be short for Victor, by any chance?" Victor perked up.

"Y-yeah it is," Yuuri admitted.

"Wow, that's such a coincidence as well! My name's Victor, too," Victor smiled easily at Vicchan, and then at Yuuri. Yuuri froze up and laughed shakily.

"Yeah, haha," he said in Victor's direction before pretending to become way more interested in the ground, blushing. Unfortunately, Victor's being deaf was a one-way thing in this situation. Even if Victor couldn't see Yuuri talk, Yuuri could still hear Victor.

"What do you mean 'yeah'?" he heard a smile in Victor's voice. He wondered if he'd seen straight through Yuuri, and was trying to think of a suitable excuse before Victor said, "Tell me yours. It's just awkward if I know your dog's name and not yours, isn't it? I can't call you Vanilla Latte Boy forever," he laughed. Yuuri exhaled, mentally scolding himself for being so anxious, and remembered to face Victor before saying,

"It's Katsuki. U-um, Katsuki Yuuri. You can call me Yuuri," he felt his face heat up.

"Yuuri? That's a nice name," Victor said softly. "I actually know someone with the same name back in Russia, where I used to live." Yuuri knew exactly who he was most likely referring to; Yuri Plisetsky had shared only one season with Victor before Victor retired, and he was only 15, but they had been in fierce competition.

Of course, he feigned ignorance.

"Oh, really?" Accomplished. "Why did you move to Japan, then?" he quickly changed the subject.

"I may not look old, at least I hope," Victor laughed. "But I'm actually retired, kind of. I was a figure skater, and I moved here since it was closer to all of the locations for the championships that year. Well, more like it was an excuse to, because I really like Japan. And after living here for a year, I realised just how much I liked it. So, I'm still here after 3 years."

Yuuri praised the greater powers that be for giving him the opportunities to ask the things he'd been wondering about so much.

"So you live around here?" Tactical.

"No, I live in Shinjuku, actually. At the moment I'm staying at a friend's. Wait, I'm sure you know him - Kouichi, who comes in with me to the café? He said he saw you skating at the rink last week, actually," Victor said rather quickly, and Yuuri even dared himself to think that maybe Victor had already been speaking about him, or at least his skills as a barista.

"Oh but you two aren't..." Yuuri wondered if he'd over-stepped a line. Victor didn't seem too surprised, though.

"Dating? No, we're just friends. I reckon Kouichi's probably straight, anyway." Yuuri couldn't quite read his face.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I just wondered, since you two seem quite close," Yuuri attempted to excuse himself.

"It's fine, I can understand that. He kinda flirts, but I think it's all in jest. How about you, Yuuri?"

"No, I'm straight," he hastily replied, and then froze up. Why did he suddenly jump to that?! Yuuri's face burnt and he put his palms to his eyes. Thankfully, Victor just laughed.

"What I meant is, do you have a girlfriend?" Of course. Obviously. _Yuuri, wake up!_

"N-no. I used to have it badly for Yuuko, my co-worker - but over time, I think it faded away and turned into platonic love for her. She's my best friend," Yuuri smiled at the thought. He and Yuuko had known each other even before they worked at Ukimafunado Café; they were neighbours, and once Yuuko got a place at the café, she notified Yuuri about the other vacancy, as he'd been job-hunting as well. He really was lucky to have her, and in a way, he was very glad that they hadn't dated.

"I think we all have someone like that," Victor smiled distantly, using both hands to massage Vicchan's shoulders, which Vicchan seemed to be enjoying thoroughly. It seemed that he had really taken to Victor - he wasn't being shy at all. And honestly, Yuuri had really taken to him as well. As a person, rather, as well as an idol.

Yuuri was having a lot of fun. They spoke for about fifteen minutes more, and got onto Yuuri's skating "hobby". Yuuri didn't let on that he was an amateur figure skater, not quite yet - because after all, how can you be a figure skater and not know of the great Victor Nikiforov? And, maybe he was just kidding himself, but it seemed as if Victor was really enjoying being with Yuuri as well. Maybe Victor was just happy because there was a dog similar to his Makkachin around, yet whatever it was, it gave Yuuri some kind of confidence that they could easily become friends.

"How are your legs feeling?" he asked, his mind throwing up a wild suggestion that he wasn't quite able to tame.

"Let's see, shall we?" Victor said as he bent one leg to put his foot to the ground, put a hand on Yuuri's shoulder for support, and hauled himself up. Yuuri, despite blushing to death, put his arm on Victor's just in case as he did so. Victor sucked in a breath through his teeth.

"I think I'll be alright," he said, although not too convincingly.

"Where does Kouichi live?" Yuuri asked, hatching a totally innocent plan in his mind. Victor pursed his lips.

"Um, about a 10 minute walk away - I'll probably be fine, so don't feel like you need to d-"

"That's no good! You'll hurt yourself more. My flat is just up the road here, and my family lives close too. I-I have a spare futon, so you're welcome to stay for the night. And um, my family run a hot springs, so, tomorrow we- I mean, you could go to relax your muscles. It'd really do you a world of good. At least, that's what I think, um, you don't have to though! But I'd feel terrible if you wake up feeling worse and it's cause I made you walk an-" Victor put a finger to his lips, freezing him in more ways than one.

"That sounds wonderful, Yuuri. Thank you so much," he said calmly, dropping his finger slowly. Yuuri breathed shakily, composing himself.

"Let's go, then. Oh, you should send a text to Kouichi, right? Remember to do it when we get there," Yuuri said, stepping forward and putting Victor's right arm around his shoulders. Before he could protest, Yuuri turned his face towards Victor's and said, "I don't want it to get worse again."

Victor's lips turned upwards in reply, and Yuuri faced forwards as he helped Victor walk away from the lakeside and onto the pavement. With only the soft sound of the patter of Vicchan's paws as he walked patiently beside them, Yuuri supported Victor's weight the whole way up the street, the moonlight guiding their way.


	3. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!  
> Phew this chapter really took it out of me LOL and it's longer than usual  
> so this chap is pretty fluffy, and effectively the calm before the storm, so yeah... enjoy it whilst you can :^)  
> bonus points for Yuuri owning lingerie ;p  
> Enjoy~
> 
> (once again, thank you so much for the kudos and comments, you're all too nice ;; )

 

Yuuri blearily opened his eyes as he was forcibly sucked away from some kind of wonderful dream by the shrill bleating that was his alarm. He squinted as he looked at his clock, trying to figure out what the blur of numbers were, since putting his hand out to pick up his glasses would be such a tremendous task. 9:30am, was that? Why had he set his alarm so early? Perhaps he would've been able to see how the dream with Victor might have ended...

 

 

He bolted upright. Had that actually been a dream? It felt like it had actually happened, yet the idea of hanging out with Victor Nikiforov for an entire evening seemed so absolutely ludicrous that he refused to believe it. He jumped onto the wooden floor and stumbled out of his bedroom door.

Sure enough, the futon was laid in the middle of the room and Victor was sprawled out lazily, the soft rise and fall of his chest signalling his slumber. Yuuri had lent him pyjamas the night before, blushing when he remembered how Victor had said it was 'cute' when Yuuri mentioned he had some bigger clothes since he got chubby so easily. Yuuri didn't think so himself at all - it was a huge pain, especially for skating - but at least it meant that he had clothes that would fit Victor Nikiforov if he happened to turn up at his house out of nowhere. Thanks, figure skating god.

Yet, it appeared that Victor had gotten hot at some time during the night, as his rising and falling chest was bare, and Vicchan was sleeping on top of the discarded shirt next to him. It was a sweet picture, yet the way that Victor was laying there like that, and the way the sunlight from the windows settled on him... Yuuri couldn't bring himself to look at him for longer than a few seconds. It definitely had not been a dream. And he didn't know what to do now.

"Good morni-" he started as he tore his gaze away from him. Of course, Yuuri had almost forgotten that he couldn't hear. Vicchan did, though, and wagged his tail enthusiastically as he awoke from his slumber and lethargically paced over to Yuuri.

"Good morning, Vicchan! Who's a good boy? Yes, you are!" he fussed over Vicchan as he bent down to him and cradled his head in his palms. Vicchan wagged his tail even more excitedly and nuzzled into Yuuri's chest. Yuuri laughed and kissed the top of his head, and then stood up to go and make some breakfast. Vicchan wasn't having any of it, though. He jumped up Yuuri's legs repeatedly, even though Yuuri scolded him lightheartedly and placed his paws on the floor.

"Hey, stop being so boisterous! I'll delay your breakfast if you keep being so impatient," Yuuri threatened. Of course, with his being a dog, Vicchan only heard the word 'breakfast', which caused him to assault Yuuri's legs with even more excitement. Yuuri hastily pushed him off and giggled.

"Alright, alright, you win! Now, sit!" he commanded, and Vicchan did so immediately. Yuuri sighed, glad for the mayhem to come to a close, and retrieved the bag of dog food from the cupboard.

"Wow, it's certainly lively here," Yuuri jumped as a deep voice interrupted the sudden quiet. He whipped around to see Victor lying on his side, head propped up by his hand, smiling up at Yuuri.

"Oh, Victor," he walked back over into the lounge area so that Victor could see him more clearly. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long," he said. "I kept feeling the floor shake, and I awaken to see you two having a vicious fight," he laughed. "Makkachin used to be greedy like that, too."

"He certainly helps me wake up in the morning," Yuuri agreed. "I'm going to make breakfast and then head out for a jog. I can show you to our hot springs on the way, if you like," Yuuri suggested.

"Sure," Victor said, "Oh yeah, could I use your toilet? Where is it?"

"Of course - it's just through my bedroom," he said before turning back to give Vicchan his food.

"Thanks."

Wait.

Bedroom? Victor?

Yuuri wheeled around on his heel, running to block Victor's path, seeing as calling out to him wouldn't do anything. Victor stopped just before the door as Yuuri wedged himself between him and it.

"Yuuri? What is it?" he asked perplexedly.

"Y-you can't! Just - sorry - wait a second!" Yuuri gabbled out before slipping into the room and facing the collection of Victor posters on his wardrobe doors.

"What're you hiding in there, Yuuri?" he heard Victor call out, sounding highly amused. Yuuri tutted, knowing Victor was only asking to tease him, since he wouldn't have been able to hear the answer anyway. He hastily (yet carefully... he wouldn't want them to rip) took down each poster and threw them into one of his drawers. He took one more quick look around the room to make sure it was Victor-appropriate, and then nodded.

"Come in- shit," he began to call out, and then shook himself. He went to the door and opened it with a sheepish smile.

"Very mysterious," Victor grinned down at him, leaning against the door frame. "Can I go to the toilet now?"

"S-Shut up," Yuuri felt his cheeks heat up. "Go on," he said, and Victor grinned at him with amusement again once more before sauntering past. Yuuri caught himself staring at the curve of Victor's waist as he went, and he found himself wondering whether his skin was as soft as it looked.

He sharply tore his head in the other direction and walked straight up to the kitchen counter, poured the dog food into Vicchan's bowl, shoved it back in the cupboard, and turned to face the window. Then he felt the embarrassment creep up on him. His cheeks were burning. _What the hell was that about, Yuuri?_

Okay, Victor was a very attractive guy. Yuuri knew that. And he was his idol. And now, his friend. It was natural that he'd be excited about seeing him in close proximity. Good. Glad he sorted that out.

"Yuuri?" Yuuri jumped as Victor called out from the bedroom, "You wouldn't happen to be a fan of mine?"

...What did that mean? Had he forgotten to hide something away? Wait - even worse - had he actually gone through Yuuri's drawers?!

Yuuri held his breath in preparation for the onslaught of questions that would ensue once he peeped around the doorframe. He couldn't think of any possible excuse. Victor was standing over his bedside table - _he really needs to put on a shirt_ \- looking at something. Victor checked over his shoulder and smiled when he saw Yuuri.

"What're you looking so worried for? Come and look at this," Victor beckoned him. Yuuri cautiously peered over Victor's shoulder to see how bad the damage was.

"Recognise him?" Victor asked as the pages of a magazine came into view. To Yuuri's relief, it wasn't a sports magazine, but a men's fashion magazine. Victor stood with his arm raised to his hair, sporting a cardigan and hat which were of some kind of designer brand. Then Yuuri realised - _Victor thought this was a coincidence_. Of course, Yuuri had actually only bought the magazine because Victor was in it, but Victor wouldn't know that.

"Oh, wow, it's you," Yuuri feigned ignorance. Victor giggled, which was kinda cute. What?

"It sure is. Sorry, by the way, I wasn't going through your stuff. The cover caught my eye since I regularly model for these guys," Victor explained. Yuuri knew.

"Oh, really?" he said before turning around and looking up at the ceiling. "Well, once we've eaten breakfast we can leave, so I'll leave you to get dressed and stuff and then we can go," Yuuri added quickly.

"Sure. Thank you, by the way. For last night, and for making breakfast," Victor caught his arm as he went. Yuuri let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"You're very welcome," he said. "Your legs really feel totally fine, like you said they would?"

"Yeah. As long as I don't go skating for a few days, or overwork my legs, my knees will be totally fine," he assured him.

"I'm glad," Yuuri smiled as he left to go get on with cooking some rice and some soup. He turned on the coffee maker, too, and made sure to give Victor extra sugar.

* * *

 

Victor realised that he hadn't checked his phone since he sent a text to Kouichi last night to let him know of his whereabouts, and he was actually rather worried about what he'd see when he unlocked his phone. Okay, 10 new messages, acceptable - not nearly as bad as Kouichi usually was.

 

**Kouichi**

_What how did this happen_

_What do you mean you're staying the night with Vanilla Latte Boy_

_??? Victor_

_Wow I didn't pin you as the type to have a one night stand_

_Especially after going for a damn nighttime stroll_

_How did you manage to seduce him_

_Did you sleep with him_

_You definitely slept with him didn't you_

_Oh my god Victor_

_Well he can certainly do the splits I can tell you that, so hope you had fun_

 

Who did Kouichi think he was? He says a guy is cute _ONE_ time and this is what he expects of him? Although, now he was definitely thinking about it, thanks to Kouichi, and he felt his heartbeat pick up and a blush come to his cheeks. He put a hand to his mouth and forced himself to think of something else; he felt as if he'd ruined Yuuri's innocence or something. Damn Kouichi.

 

**Victor**

_kouichi!! i did NOT sleep with him! yes he's cute and i might've 'accidentally' slept on his shoulder a bit whilst watching TV and i might've taken my shirt off 'coincidentally' to try to tease him but nothing happened at all!_

_also he said he's straight TvT... so i've given up, really_

_AND i'm only here because he's kind! i fell over in the park when i got cramp and i could barely walk ;n; that's not seductive at all. what do you take me for, kou-chan!_

 

Victor shook his head in disbelief and threw the phone onto Yuuri's bed. He changed into the clothes which Yuuri had lent him, and welcomed the smell of miso soup to his senses as he stepped out of the bedroom. His stomach growled in response.

"That smells so good..." Victor sang as he came into the room. He saw the food on the table, and Yuuri was just bringing across their drinks as he said,

"It's not much, but you'll be able to have something after you're done in the hot springs, right?"

"I don't mind; I'm happy you made anything at all, so thanks," Victor retorted.

"Ah, it's really nothing," Yuuri batted his hand dismissively. "Itadakimasu," he said before picking up his chopsticks and wolfing down the tofu in his bowl. Victor chuckled, and then did the same.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"No, Mum, I'm not joking. Just _please_ don't act like you know who he is! I've actually managed to make a friend, for once, and I don't want to scare him off. Please," Yuuri begged his mother, clapping his hands together.

"Haha! Okay, okay. I'll just ask to take a photo with him because he's a pretty foreigner, then! It'd be such good publicity," she giggled. Yuuri deflated.

"If you must," he sighed. "Just don't let on that it's because you know who he is. Anyway, see you later!" Yuuri called as he stepped out the front door.

"Did it go okay?" Victor asked as he came to face him. Yuuri had told him a little white lie that he needed to discuss something with her beforehand in order to warn her; he felt kind of bad for doing so, though.

"Ah, yeah, thanks," he said a little awkwardly.

"I'll see you soon," Victor smiled. "I'll bring your clothes back when I come to the café later this week?" he suggested.

"Oh, no, you can keep them! They're way too big for me, anyway - and I don't plan on letting myself get out of shape anytime soon," Yuuri insisted. "I look forward to seeing you again soon, though!" he smiled as he locked eyes with Victor.

"Yeah, me too," Victor said softly. The moment went on a little longer than necessary, and Yuuri reluctantly drew his eyes away from him with a wave, jogging off down the street with Vicchan trotting nimbly at his side.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Yuuri spent the next day at his family's house helping out with the cooking and cleaning, and his mum would _not shut up_ about Victor. She showed off their picture together proudly, gushing over how _charming_ he was and exclaiming that 'even though he's retired, he certainly keeps in shape!'

Somewhere along the way, he found himself wanting to tell Victor about how much his mum had taken to him and that it was rather amusing, especially with his father responding with a 'now now, dear, I may not be as young as I once was, but don't forget about me'. He regretted not asking for Victor's number; it was silly to just wait until the next time he saw him in this day and age.

Victor kept on showing up in his mind. Every day he wondered how his legs were, or whether he was feeling lonely in Shinjuku, or whether he was hanging out with Kouichi, or whether he was skating. It sounded ridiculous, but Yuuri felt as if he and Victor just... worked. Although he became flustered very easily around Victor, he always felt content, and their conversations were always pretty open. His mood had perked up considerably, too; even work was more fun as he thought up different drinks which Victor might like, and it was great that he could talk Yuuko's ear off and she'd respond with just as much enthusiasm.

For example, when he had come into work in the evening of the day that he had last saw Victor, seeing Yuuko was an absolute blessing.

"Yu-chan," he beamed when he saw her as he came into the staff area. "You are not going to believe this."

She didn't even look up from her book as she said with a totally straight face,

"It's not to do with mystery lingerie you found in your wardrobe again is it?"

Yuuri immediately put his face into his palms as he felt embarrassment well up inside him.

"No! And you said you wouldn't mention that again! I genuinely don't know how that got there!" he whimpered pitifully.

"I can take a guess," she smirked. "Yuuri plus alcohol makes-"

"Yes, okay, I know! Argh, just listen to me," he said, exasperated. "Victor slept at mine last night."

That certainly got her attention. Yuuko looked up at him, eyebrows drawn together.

"You did _WHAT_ with Victor? Are you _sure_ this isn't lingerie-related?" She gaped at him.

"Oh my god, _no_. He has some kind of knee injury, I don't really know," he touched the back of his neck. "But anyway, I found him keeled over in the park. So I offered him my spare futon, since my flat is close. And lo and behold, we kinda really got on, and now I think we're like. Actual friends," he smiled in reminiscence.

"Of all people, it had to be you, didn't it?" Yuuko grinned. "You know you have to introduce me. But okay, go on, tell me everything."

 

* * *

 

 

 

Saturday night was slow. The amber blanket that covered the café through the large shop windows as the sun descended was steadily making Yuuri increasingly languid. Yuuri placed his elbow atop the counter and rested his weary head in his palm. The soft murmur of voices and the comforting aroma of coffee beans was lulling his eyes closed, and he easily let it happen. The warm glow of the setting sun on his skin was making him picture Tatadohama beach in the summer, warm sand enclosing his fingertips as he sat by the shore, watching Vicchan run around with a ball in his mouth.

"Yuuri?"

"Hehe, what is it, Vicchan?" he replied to the disembodied voice.

"I'm flattered, but I'm not Vicchan, Yuuri," he heard an all-too-familiar chuckle, and his dream dissipated around him as he came to alertness. His eyes opened to see turquoise irises and a gentle smile.

"Oh, Victor!" he exclaimed. "S-sorry, I promise I didn't mistake you for Vicchan, I think I was just dreaming and-"

"Yes, I could tell," he laughed. "Don't fall asleep at work, somebody might complain," he tutted.

"This is an issue of mine," Yuuri sighed. "For some reason I just get really tired in the evening."

"Don't worry too much, I'm sure it steals the hearts of all the customers," Yuuri couldn't reply before he continued, "Can I get the usual?"

Victor overpaid him, as usual. Since Yuuri thought it was justified for how much he paid the café, Yuuri made him two drinks of new recipes that he had thought up with Victor in mind. Yuuri suggested that Victor could try both and keep the one he liked the most, with Yuuri finishing up the one left over. The first drink could be described as caramel matcha latte, and the second was a honeycomb hot chocolate. Victor ended up choosing the latte, and Yuuri finished up the hot chocolate. He had to admit it; it was really good. The taste of cocoa was strong, yet complemented by the sweetness and intermittent saltiness of the honeycomb.

"Yuuri, you're very talented," Victor praised him. "I always thought so."

Yuuri could barely reply, just about managing to stutter out his sincere thanks. He almost replied with 'you are too', but he realised that it just about gave the whole game away.

"Come sit with me," Victor offered, going towards the table nearest the shop counter. "It won't take you long to move if somebody needs you." Yuuri couldn't help but accept, and his behind had literally only just touched the chair when Yuuko came out from the back and said,

"Katsuki-kun, I know you're happy you made a new friend, but don't you think that's a little unprofessional?" Luckily, Victor was unaware of her outburst as he wasn't facing her direction, and continued to look at something on his phone contentedly.

"Don't call me Katsuki-kun, it's weird," he looked over his shoulder at her. He lightly touched Victor's hand to get his attention, and he cocked his head to the side with a quizzical look.

"This is my friend Yuuko, who I told you about," Yuuri introduced her, pointing in her direction. Victor turned to face her, putting on his best kind smile.

"It's nice to meet you, Yuuko-san. Yuuri speaks very highly of you," he added.

"It's so nice to meet you, Victor! I've been a fan of yours ever since I was tiny!" Yuuri whipped his head around and glared daggers at her, but she paid him absolutely no mind. Yuuri cautiously looked at Victor, finding that his face was tragically unreadable. He smiled a strange smile and said,

"Thank you for your support, then," before turning away and looking into his drink blankly. Yuuri gave her a glare which said 'now look what you've done' when she turned to him for help.

"Yuuko, could you go and make some fresh sandwiches, please? I didn't get a chance to earlier," Yuuri made his heavy hint for her to leave, and she got the message with an 'oh, right, sorry, yeah'.

 

Whatever wall Victor had built up appeared to disappear once he started talking with Yuuri again. Yuuri was glad that it passed quickly, since he seemed so much happier than when he had first seen him in the café with Kouichi. Victor continued to joke with him as he normally did, telling him some embarrassing anecdote where Victor had misread the lips of a rinkmate at the Kiri Arena called Kouzou, calling him 'Kuso' (shit) for months before somebody finally corrected him. Apparently, they'd all found it so funny that they just let him do it.

"I know that kuso is a bad word usually, but I just assumed it was an unfortunate homophone," Victor laughed. "And nobody lets me live it down." Yuuri laughed along with him, before he found the opportunity to ask him,

"Hey, Victor, do you know sign language, too? I was wondering, since you never mentioned it..." Victor nodded.

"I do, but it's actually pretty rusty since I have nobody I can speak to using it," he turned his eyes away awkwardly.

"Teach me." Yuuri said. Victor's eyes widened.

"Everything?"

"Well, I mean just like, for now I'd like to know how I can say my name, or maybe hello or goodbye or thank you since it's easier for you, maybe, um, you don't have to but I just thought it-" Victor put a finger to Yuuri's lips for the second time and laughed.

"Sure."

Victor was a very patient teacher. Yuuri had to keep going back and asking what different words were again a couple of minutes later, but Victor didn't mind, and Yuuri didn't even notice how much time had gone by until Yuuko came by to tell them they were closing up.

"Thank you, Victor, um- I mean-" Yuuri stopped himself, and signed 'thank you' with a smile instead. Victor beamed and signed 'you're welcome' in return. Yuuri felt something in his heart leap, as if he'd somehow managed to connect with Victor in a more... intimate?... way. And as Victor was leaving, Yuuri made sure to stop him to get his number, and Victor gave it to him without question.

They parted with silly smiles on their faces, and Yuuri turned back to help Yuuko, a content warmth blanketing his chest.

 

 


	4. Passion and Destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> this one is LONG. woohoo!  
> I feel very mean this chapter; there are a lot of feelings. Next chapter should be pretty full of it too :p  
> Hope you enjoy! (i'm sorry)
> 
> note: дерьмо = shit 
> 
> (oh yeah, I keep forgetting to mention to mention it but if you wanna shoot me a message or just generally follow me and talk about stuff, then here's my [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/pixelpastels)!)

 

Victor was texting Yuuri for the whole evening, as well as the day after. It was strange how the conversation began with Victor sending a text reading ' _does vicchan miss me? cuz i miss him :c_ ' about twenty minutes after he got back to Kouichi's, and about two hours later they had somehow managed to snowball the conversation into an in-depth discussion on whether humans would actually be able to survive if robots became self-aware.

Victor liked that about Yuuri. He felt natural, open and happy around him. Really, Yuuri knew nothing about him - and yet, he was just as kind and understanding as if he'd known him for years. Victor felt as if he could be unreserved around him - and even if he did get down, somehow, Yuuri managed to drag him away from that and towards some happier realm just as quickly as he'd fallen into darkness.

The next day, when Victor checked his phone in the morning, he was no less than delighted to find a good morning text from Yuuri, as well as a picture of Vicchan begging for his breakfast. Victor giggled upon opening it; he'd grown so fond of the dog. As well as his owner. Victor held his breath upon sending a text saying, ' _wow, he's just as cute as you :p_ ', and groaned as he promptly locked the phone and slid it over to the other side of the table.

"Rough night, or?" Kouichi said as he came over to sit next to him, giving a small smile as he passed Victor his coffee.

"Um, not exactly..." he said vaguely as he looked away and sipped at his coffee. Just then, he felt the table vibrate as the text notification came through, and jumped out of his chair as if the seat had been set on fire. He held his breath as he grabbed the phone and unlocked it shakily.

 

**Yuuri ☕**

_im not cute!!! nobody can be as cute as vicchan anyway ;n;_

_wait does that sound mean_

_i didnt mean that ur not cute, but like um vicchans just really cute_

_sorry ahhhh !! im bad with compliments_

 

_Adorable_. Victor could feel Kouichi's gaze absolutely _burning_ into him, and yet Victor could not stop himself from smiling no matter how hard he tried not to. He spluttered a small laugh and he knew he was blushing unabashedly; he couldn't not. He could tell Kouichi was probably saying something, although that was exactly why he was trying not to look at him. Victor started to type a reply, before his phone was whipped out of his hands and a palm was in his face.

"Stop ignoring me, you'll make me sad," Kouichi said as he took his palm back. "Who do you keep texting with that smile?" he raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the phone that he had seized.

"Well..." Victor pouted as he watched Kouichi look at the messages.

"Who's Yuuri? Don't tell me... the coffee shop b-"

"Yes, yes, it's him again," Victor sighed. "Don't ground me, Mum," he smirked.

"Honestly, Victor. ' _If I was a robot I definitely wouldn't kill you, though_ '? Really? What kind of flirting is this," Kouichi scoffed amusedly as he turned the screen around to face Victor. "Don't make it harder on yourself, Victor. Even if he wasn't straight, I'm not sure he would fall for this, but," he laughed. "You said he's straight, right? Stop wasting your time on him."

Kouichi looked at him seriously with a piercing gaze, and Victor reluctantly pried his phone out of Kouichi's fingers, sighing. Kouichi made it sound easier than it was, but he was right. Yuuri was straight. No matter how much Victor tried to, that's not something about someone you can force to change. He knew it was his own fault for flirting with Yuuri, but he felt disappointed. He really felt a connection - one that he'd never felt with any man he'd ever dated - and this one was willing to accept him, faults and all. Nonetheless, Victor understood. They could have a good, healthy friendship. He could get used to that.

"Don't look so down-trodden, Victor," Kouichi said, tilting Victor's chin upwards so that he could get a better look at him. "It's not like you need him, you've got me..."

Victor could feel his breath tumbling down the side of his neck, and he shivered as blood rose to his cheeks. What was this about?

"Kouichi...?"

"Next time you fall down, call me instead," Victor watched his lips talk as they barely moved; he could tell he was speaking in a low tone. "I'll be there. I promise. You don't need to rely anyone else."

Victor was finding it hard to concentrate on his lips. He was very close, and he couldn't see what expression he was wearing anymore.

"Kou-chan," he said as he felt butterflies in his stomach. He was having all sorts of feelings - Kouichi wasn't straight? Was he going to kiss him? He looks really good...

"Rely on me," was the last thing Victor saw Kouichi's lips say, before those very same lips enclosed his own softly. Victor felt his heart flutter; he hadn't been kissed in so long... and for once, it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt - until Yuuri flashed across his mind. He mentally scolded himself, hard - he needn't feel bad about Yuuri! This was for the best. Kouichi was attractive, strong, and kind... he didn't need anything different. Victor felt tears prick at his eyes as he kissed back, winding his fingers into Kouichi's short strands of hair.

He wondered if he was making much noise; he hadn't kissed anybody since he'd become deaf, and he found himself finding the situation a little different than before. The sweet suckling sound was absent, as was the sound of his own laboured breathing. Victor was accustomed to hearing silence, but somehow, he felt detached. Was this real?

He pushed Kouichi in the chest as he broke away from him, signalling to him that he should stand.

"You're... not straight?" Victor said cautiously as they stood.

"What do you think, Victor? Of course not," he denied, eyebrows furrowed as he pushed Victor back against the wall. He then leaned in to kiss Victor's neck eagerly, firmly setting his hands at the sides of his waist. Some sort of buzz was settling into Victor's mind. He wasn't straight. He was good-looking. He took care of him. This was everything Victor had wanted, right?

At some point, whilst Kouichi wrapped his arms around Victor's waist and pressed kisses across his jaw, Victor decided he didn't care if this was the best thing to do anymore. It was good, and he could date him. _Fuck it_.

He slid his hands to the nape of Kouichi's neck, letting out soft, breathy moans as Kouichi responded to the gesture with a warm tongue. The large hands settled around Victor's waist then moved to slip under the fabric of Victor's t-shirt, feeling across the taut muscle that Victor had worked so hard to maintain. He had just felt Kouichi nudge his leg inbetween his own, pushing up against erection, before suddenly, he was totally gone.

Victor watched in a completely confused daze as Kouichi stormed over to the table and picked up his phone.

"W-What..." he managed to stutter out in reaction. After doing something to it, Kouichi threw the phone back onto the table.

"Your damn phone wouldn't stop buzzing," he said with a straight face, walking back up to Victor. His thoughts slipped over to Yuuri - was something wrong? Perhaps he shoul-

"Stop thinking about it," Kouichi demanded with a steely gaze. As intended, Victor's mind went totally blank as Kouichi returned his attention to less innocent practices. It felt good, it felt _really_ good, and yet Victor couldn't deny that he was utterly terrified by the prospect of sex. Maybe kissing didn't hurt anymore, but the feeling of hands over his butt was bringing a slight pulse of fear into his head.

"Kou," he breathed sternly. He stopped touching him to show that he was listening. "Let's not... have sex. I... don't think I can," he felt Kouichi's body slump against his. Was that disappointment? He thought so. "We can do other stuff, though," he made sure to add, since he certainly wasn't leaving himself in this state. He felt Kouichi nod against his neck, and then he moved to kiss Victor's lips eagerly once again.

 

* * *

 

 

  
"Why won't he reply to meee?" Yuuri whined at Yuuko as he slumped over the counter, scrolling through the (lack of) messages from Victor discreetly.

"Please stop whining like that, you're like an obsessive twelve-year-old," Yuuko huffed, restocking the hot chocolate machine with more milk.

"Yu-chan, you can't complain about that. You know better than anyone I've always been like an obsessive twelve-year-old," Yuuri replied with a 'hmph', thinking of all the years that he'd looked up to Victor. "Did I really offend him? We were talking for hours, and now he's just gone..."

"He's probably busy, didn't you say he's a model now? We're not all on our phones at work, you know," she said, whipping the phone out of his light grip whilst he was distracted.

"No! Don't play dirty, give it back," Yuuri complained, reaching for it pitifully.

"No can do, it's unprofessional. You need to concentrate on your work demeanour, Katsuki-kun," she announced resolutely before going out the back, presumably to hide the device somewhere that he wouldn't find it. Yuuri sighed in defeat.

When Yuuko returned, Yuuri made sure to give her the most unnerving glare he could, pouting angrily. At first, she acted as if he was having no effect on her whatsoever, continuing to stack the dishwasher without even a glance in his direction.

"Irasshaimase!" She called as a couple of customers came into the store, pushing Yuuri aside without any hesitation as she took over the till. "What would you like?" The couple ordered, and Yuuko slapped their receipts on the counter next to Yuuri, again, not even looking at him. Yuuri supposed she had really learnt how to deal with him whenever he had a toddler-like tantrum throughout the years.

"Katsuki-kun, the hot chocolate, please," she smiled as she went to make the americano. Finally, Yuuri gave up with his glare of daggers, muttering 'Katsuki-kun' irritatedly. He got on with making the drink, realising just how hungry he was when he caught the aroma of the chocolate blend in his breath. At least it was only 10 minutes until the shop shut at 6pm, as they closed early on a Sunday, and then he could eat to his heart's content. Hopefully Yuuko would still hang out with him after acting like a whiny, 'unprofessional' baby...

"Here's your hot chocolate," he announced as he placed the cup on the counter at the end of the bar.

"Wait," he heard a voice say, and he internally deflated, waiting for some kind of complaint with a smile. When he looked to the person in question, he saw a small boy with blonde hair and a red fringe.

"Is anything the matter?" he asked kindly.

"No, no, it's not that, but... Aren't you Katsuki Yuuri?" the boy said, a blush dusting his cheeks as he looked up at Yuuri with wide brown eyes.

"Y-Yes?" Yuuri replied, taken aback. Why did this kid know who he was?

"I thought so!" the boy replied with such vigour that Yuuri couldn't help but flinch. "You look so different with your glasses on! My name's Minami Kenjirou; don't you remember me? We both took part in the Kiri Arena figure skating competition last year! I'm a huge, huge fan of yours! I wish my routines were as captivating as yours," Minami spoke fast, and Yuuri struggled to keep up. He tried to get a better look at the boy, but he couldn't say that any spark of recognition took hold in his memory. Things such as competitions, even if they were as small as the ones Yuuri attended, caused his anxiety to go into overdrive. He had very little awareness of his surroundings in such a situation - all he saw was the scores, and whether he'd be able to beat them, or whether he'd be a failure once more.

He blinked pointedly, staring into the excited eyes of Minami as he tried to whip up some kind of reply. Time was up, he supposed, as Minami then interrupted his train of thought.

"Ehh, you don't remember me? I'm hurt... but that's okay, since this time round, I'm going to make sure you can't help but notice me!" Minami grinned.

"Oh, that's nice, Yuuri! Who thought you'd run into a fan?" Yuuko interjected. Yuuri nodded silently in her direction, finding himself a little overwhelmed. He was touched, really, even if Minami was a little too excitable; Yuuri wouldn't have said that his skating abilities were anywhere near outstanding enough to warrant something such as a fan.

"Umm... Thank you, Minami-kun," was the extensive reply that he managed to construct. How had Victor been able to converse so openly and kindly with fans when they approached him throughout all those years? Yuuri found himself admiring his work now even more than ever.

"Say, Yuuri-kun, are you going skating after you're done here? Yuuto-kun and I were just grabbing drinks for some energy before we go now!" he explained bubbily, gesturing towards his taller friend with wavy brown hair, the side shaved. Yuuri didn't even get to open his mouth before Yuuko answered for him.

"Can I come as well? It sounds great! We're closing up in five minutes, and I think going for a long skate would do Yuuri some good right now," Yuuko smiled, beginning to clear the leftover food in the fridge section away. As usual, Yuuko was right. He could feel the itch in his thigh muscles to jump, imagining the freeing sensation of chilled air brushing his cheeks as he glided over the ice rink.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Yuuri agreed, causing Minami to light up in a not-too-dissimilar way to Vicchan in the moment when Yuuri offered him food.

 

 

Thankfully, Yuuko didn't seem mad at Yuuri at all. She seemed to know exactly what was going through his head, as she calmly told him that she was sure he hadn't done anything to upset Victor, and that he was probably just busy. Well, Victor _did_ have a tendency to be forgetful, so it was even possible that he had seen his message and forgotten to reply and then, maybe, like, gone to sleep or something? Yes, Yuuri was somebody who went into overdrive when his texts went unreplied to, but it was true that there was a multitude of reasons as to why one may not reply without any ill-intentions whatsoever.

They walked on together with companiable small-talk until they reached the arena. Unusually, Kouichi was nowhere in sight as they came into the hall, up to the reception desk. No sight of any other employees, either.

"They're probably in the staff room," Yuuto surmised. "Excuse me?" he called out. Sure enough, the door by the reception opened, and Kouichi appeared. Just as he moved out from the doorway, Yuuri saw that there was someone sitting at the table in there - he then caught sight of the back of a head full of silvery hair.

"Victor?" Yuuri said. If Kouichi had heard him, then he totally ignored him, since he then said,

"The four of you are members, right? That's 500 yen each, please."

Yuuri was the last of them to hand over the money, and he asked Kouichi, innocently enough,

"Oh, is Victor here?"

Kouichi glared at him, and honestly, Yuuri felt somewhat threatened.

"What does it matter to you? No, he's not here," he said monotonously, folding his arms defensively.

"Oh, but I thought I saw-"

"He's not here, okay?" the volume of his reply rose somewhat. Yuuri felt himself freeze up and his throat constrict, tears readying themselves. _What the hell?_ He was just asking... Victor was his friend. Surely, Kouichi was supposed to be his friend by extension? He didn't know, but whatever it was, the unspoken threat behind those stern words put Yuuri on edge.

"Nevermind," he said quickly, walking hastily into the arena to escape that gaze before he really did start to cry.

And boy, was he glad to be skating at a time like this. He felt excitement well up inside him as he stretched out the most essential muscles and laced up his skates. He felt more comfortable now, too, since Yuuko and Minami were getting on really well, and his ears were filled with the laughter of friends as he warmed up.

Luckily, it seemed that there was nobody else at the rink. Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief; he had the whole terrain to practice his jumps on. As soon as he concluded he had warmed up enough, he glided straight onto the ice, closing his eyes for a while as he strode along the length of the rink.

"Yuuri-kun! Show me a routine? Please?" Minami called out from the side of the rink, stretching his legs. Yuuri pouted. He wasn't used to having any fans. Furthermore, he felt as if he didn't want to show off any of his routines; his routines from the past were just that - the past. He'd improved since they'd been composed, and they only brought back memories of a Yuuri of lesser ability.

"I don't want to dredge up anything from my dark past," he replied awkwardly as he thought about it. Minami gasped audibly.

"Yuuri-kun, no! You don't have a dark past! Stop making me feel bad for wanting to become as good as you," he cried, obviously disappointed.

"How about one of Victor's programmes, Yuuri?" Yuuko suggested, waiting around to watch him skate as well.

Yuuri liked the sound of that, actually. He had been thinking lots about Victor; what had he been through? What sides of him were unknown to Yuuri? What was Victor up to right now...? Was he okay?

Yuuri nodded, thinking that this was exactly what he needed to sort through his thoughts.

"'Stay Close to Me' is on my phone, Yuuko," he said, gesturing towards his bag. Her face lit up as she went to select the music. Despite Minami's enthusiasm, Yuuri reckoned that Yuuko was the most excited to see him cover Victor's routine. When they were children, they would attempt to do Victor's each and every programme; they never succeeded very well, but thorughout the years, Yuuri had never given up - and as his skill increased, so had his ability to impersonate the programmes. It was one of the few things Yuuri was proud of in his career; the fact that he could even grasp at the tiniest thing that Victor had achieved showcased his improvement better than anything else, in Yuuri's view.  
He skated to the centre of the rink, waiting for the music to start. He closed his eyes, envisioning not the presence of friends, but of Victor, and Victor alone. The song choice was particularly melancholic; was Victor feeling lonely when he composed this programme? Yuuri certainly got that feeling as the first few notes rang out and he felt a sense of longing course through his limbs as he began to dance.

He sank right into the programme, barely taking any notice of his surroundings other than to get himself into a big enough space to launch into a jump. He tried a quadruple Salchow, and touched the floor, but he didn't care as he had perfected the following combination. What had Victor been trying to say with this programme? Yuuri wondered, was Victor actually quite vulnerable, just like he could be? Yuuri had always seen Victor as a very strong soul, and even when seeing the current Victor in a vulnerable state, he always thought that he was very emotionally strong. Had he just been hiding it this entire time? In silence, no one to hear, no one to sign to...

Could Yuuri even help him at all? He wanted to. He really did.

Breath hurled from his lungs as he whipped into a triple axel. His chest hurt, but not from exhaustion. He knew that Victor could no longer hear this music, and yet, Yuuri could - and somehow, he felt that just maybe, Victor was calling out to him from somewhere, some time. Victor was ever so terribly lonely. Yuuri wanted it to stop...

A tear escaped his eyelashes as he blinked emotionally, finishing the programme with sobs wrecking their way into his lungs.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor did reply eventually a couple of days later, apologising profusely for his absence, telling him he would explain the situation and make it up to him when he visited the café in a few days.

Yuuri would never admit it out loud, but he was itching to see Victor again. He may have just created a YouTube playlist of Japanese Sign Language lessons, with communicating with Victor in mind - not only did he want to impress him, but he wanted to break down that loneliness that he was sure was plaguing Victor's being. Thus, Yuuri curled up on the sofa with Vicchan each night, signing the new words and phrases he was learning from the laptop screen on the table in front of them.

In a way, Yuuri found it very therapeutic. You could say so much by not even having to use your voice, and since Yuuri's voice often failed him, the prospect of expressing himself in a different way was very appealing to him. He even started using the signs for 'sit', 'hand' and 'lay' with Vicchan as a new way to give him commands. Vicchan was a quick learner, especially where food was involved, and it took him no more than thirty minutes.

Yuuri couldn't wait to see him.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor finally came to the café on Friday, beaming at him with a huge smile as he walked in.

"Victor! I was hoping you would be coming soon," Yuuri said as Victor walked up to the counter. "What's been going on with you?" he asked, with an unspoken ' _why have you been so negligent with replying to your texts?_ '

Victor pushed his fingers through his fringe, a wobbly smile sitting at the corners of his mouth, a blush dusting his pale skin.

"Uh, you know how you asked about Kouichi and I?" Victor began vaguely. Yuuri narrowed his eyes, wondering if he was saying what he thought he was saying.

"Whether you're dating?" he asked cautiously. Victor nodded.

"Well... we weren't then, but we are now," he smiled.

Yuuri's stomach dropped. What?

"What?" he said a little more rudely than he had intended. Victor gave an awkward smile.

"Turns out he's not straight after all," was all he said. Yuuri's thoughts were going at full throttle. Kouichi, the guy who had shouted at Yuuri out of nowhere just last weekend? Was with Victor? The one who had glared at him for absolutely no reason whatsoever?

No way. Victor deserved somebody much better than that - much, much kinder. Yet, Yuuri felt there was no way he could tell him that. He had _cried_ for the fact that he was worried that Victor was lonely, and here he was, telling him that he had found somebody. Yuuri should be happy for him.

"Are you happy?" he asked after swallowing hard. Victor chuckled.

"Of course I am. I haven't dated anybody in years," he explained. After a few moments, Yuuri nodded and then showed him a beaming smile.

"That's great, then. I'm so happy for you, Victor."

And yet, it hurt. For the life of him, he didn't know why, but it hurt so bad.

Yuuri found the rest of the time that they were conversing unbearably awkward. The hot chocolate didn't taste as sweet as usual. And there was no way he felt like showing Victor all of the signs he had learnt anymore.

He felt as if flames were convulsing in every corner of his stomach.

 

* * *

 

 

Just to rub it in, Victor came into the café with Kouichi the next day.

Yuuri physically felt his heart leap upon seeing the silver of Victor's hair outside the shop window, and then sink when Kouichi's tall stature appeared in the doorway. Yuuri gave the most unenthusiastic 'irasshaimase' of his life. _What was wrong with him?_

Victor came in too, but he made no interaction with Yuuri apart from an apologetic smile.

"Two americanos, please," Kouichi ordered when he approached the counter. Since it wasn't the usual, Yuuri took a moment to process what he was ordering, and who for. He tilted his head in confusion.

"Two? But Victor doesn't like-"

"All of that sugar is bad for him. He'll lose his physique if he keeps on drinking that syrupy stuff, won't he?" Kouichi gave Yuuri one of... those _glares_ again, signalling that there was no room for debate. Yuuri may have been imagining it, but it was nearly as if he was using his height to create an ominous shadow over Yuuri's view. Yuuri chanced one more look at Victor before he took Kouichi's payment, only he wasn't even looking at them, and rather he stared at the floor as he scuffled his right shoe absentmindedly.

"Coming right up," Yuuri said reluctantly.

Once again, he felt anger boiling up inside him. He could tell Kouichi was staring at his every move whilst making the drinks - what, to make sure he didn't _poison_ him? Or even worse, put some of that damn sugar in?! It was ridiculous. If Kouichi was on any close level with Victor, he would know that he absolutely couldn't stand black coffee.

 

Yuuri finished making the drinks, and then the two were gone. How dare he act so authoritative? Victor was his boyfriend, not his son! Yuuri had never felt more distant from Victor, and now, he was _furious_.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor stopped replying to Yuuri's texts pretty much completely,and it was an understatement to say that Yuuri was worried. Still, he sent Victor pictures of Vicchan every day, even throwing a couple of selfies with him in there. He hoped that his feelings were getting across - _are you okay? I'm still here for you._

And yet, with every passing day, Yuuri wondered if Victor had just lost interest in him. He had a boyfriend, now - one that would pick him up and drive him around whenever his legs felt bad, and was concerned about his diet (despite being in a pretty rude manner). He probably didn't need the meek boy from the coffee shop anymore.

Two weeks went by, and still no word from Victor. Kouichi didn't come to the café, either, although Yuuri really didn't want to see his infuriating face anyway. Yuuri wasn't too worried, anymore, though - Yuuri saw all over his twitter feed that Victor had been busy at more fashion shoots, and it seemed as if he was working hard.

Yuuko, bless her, became the receiving end of all of Yuuri's complaints.

She even pretty much forced him to have a movie night with her in order for him to take his mind off of the situation, reminding him that she would always be there for him no matter how many friends he lost. They'd only just become close... Why did it have to end so quickly? But, he was extremely grateful. Even if Victor had lost interest in him, Yuuko and Vicchan were always around to cheer him up. He even ended up having a lot of fun with Minami, practising all kinds of different jumps with him throughout the proceeding weeks since he'd met him properly. He made sure they went during the day, when Kouichi wasn't working. And yet, Yuuri was still secretly watching sign language videos into the night, just in case there was a day that he might want to use it again.

 

It was the beginning of the third week of Victor's absence when Yuuri received a strange call. He'd just come out of the hot springs at his family's house when his sister threw his phone at him.

"You must have about one hundred missed calls. It's from Victor, by the way," was all she said, raising an eyebrow before she left to watch TV again.

_Victor was calling him?_

The fact that Victor was contacting him wasn't even the surprising part, but rather, the fact that he was calling him. Victor wouldn't be able to hear through the receiver - why would he be _calling_ him??

Yuuri was just about to type out a text to him before the device sprang to life.

Sure enough, the display read 'Victor'. Yuuri furrowed his eyebrows and swiped the green icon confusedly.

"Hello?" he said, feeling a little silly.

"...Yuuri? Yuuri - oh, you've picked up, thank goodness, I-," he heard pained sobs emitting from the receiver. "I know I won't be able to hear anything you say, but there's no way I can type anything in the state I am right now, fuck, I just, Kouichi, he- дерьмо-" ...more crying.

Yuuri was about to tell him to calm down, ask him what was wrong, and he felt painfully helpless when he realised he couldn't.

"Everything's gone so wrong, I'm so sorry for calling you, like this, Yuuri, but I just _can't-_ " Victor cried. "I-I'm at my flat in Shinjuku, and Kouichi was here, but- oh God, I'm so _stupid_ , Yuuri! How could I have _ever_ thought that maybe somebody loved me, because, he didn't love me at all... дерьмо, he only wanted to use me, nobody ever cares..." he sobbed more. Yuuri's heart was beating at a thousand miles per hour - he couldn't say anything, he just had to listen to him crying. It was horrible. But he could listen to Victor, he owed him that much.

"I didn't mean to cut you off, Yuuri, I promise, I missed you so much; I'm s-such a mess right now, I'm sorry," Victor took some deep breaths. "Just please forgive me, I'm so sorry, I'll explain everything to you," Yuuri heard him sob just as he hung up.

Yuuri's breathing had become painfully laboured for somebody who was just standing there. He _had_ to do something for Victor, it was obvious that something horrible had happened. He made sure to reply immediately,

 

**Yuuri**

_you don't need to say anything more, victor. just send me your address, and i'll try to be there as soon as possible_

_please take care of yourself in the meantime, i promise i'll be there soon_

 

Taking only the time to pick up his phone and railcard, Yuuri ran as fast as his legs, which were stiff from skating so much, could carry him. He wished so badly that he hadn't ignored Victor's situation - he could _tell_ that Kouichi was a nasty piece of work, ever since he showed such a kind face to Victor and such a cold one to literally anybody else. It was pretty obvious which Kouichi portrayed his true nature.

Yuuri felt horrible for leaving someone he considered a close friend in the responsibility of someone he thought was untrustworthy just because of his own low self-esteem, and he saw now that he obviously shouldn't have dismissed those bad vibes just because he had felt jealous of Kouichi, or something similar. Wait - jealous? Yuuri shook his head; he had no time to worry about his own feelings for now.

He was already on the train into inner Tokyo when Yuuri received the address details from Victor, followed only by,

  
_I'm so sorry._

 

 


	5. Never, Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled Victor and Yuuri get monologues, haha ;u;""  
> My exams are all over and hopefully I'll get back to posting more regularly, or at least with long chapters. I stayed up until 5am writing this so I hope it's okay! :p thank you sooo much for all the kudos and comments srsly  
> I actually did a tonne of research on deafness and Shinjuku apartments for this one, and i have some weird google search history lol. I chose Victor an apartment and he is rich af haha  
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> (oh yeah, and you can find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/pixelpastels) ) :p

As Yuuri sat impatiently on the train, he knew he stood out. The thirty minutes it took to get to Shinjuku were painful; he wanted to get to Victor as soon as he possibly could, and yet all he could do was sit there whilst the train did its job. His leg jiggled incessantly, and he knew he must've looked as anxious as anything to the other passengers.

Victor didn't message him again, but there was little else Yuuri could do in thirty minutes of anxiety-filled limbo to try to help him, telling Victor that it was okay, he'd be there soon, try to concentrate on breathing, make sure to drink lots of water... He had an inkling that Victor was still reading his mess of concerned texts. He hoped.

It was around 7 in the evening, and as Yuuri finally stepped off of the train into Shinjuku, he was swamped by fatigued business-people coming home from a long day at work. He'd forgotten just how hectic it was at Shinjuku station; he rarely ever journeyed into central Tokyo for this exact reason, and he was much more suited to his quieter lifestyle in Funado. For a second, he got flashbacks of rush hour at the cafe, spilled hot chocolate and hasty commands plaguing his memory as his hands began to shake.

Yuuri stopped dashing through the throes of of commuters and excused himself to one side, attempting to catch his breath.

"This is pathetic," he muttered to himself, closing his eyes and trying to drown out the rush of murmuring voices and footsteps. He exhaled heavily as he looked down to his phone, adjusting his glasses more out of habit to try to correct his blurred vision. He glared at the blue line indicating where he should walk to on Google Maps, trying to at least make sense of which way was left or right. _Fuck_ , Victor was waiting for him and there he was, unable to control his anxiety and unable to even tell which way was up on a map.

_Victor._

Victor needed someone, and for once, Yuuri could do that. He couldn't abandon him now. He wanted to do everything he possibly could to make Victor feel more content, and there was no way that was going to happen if he was simply reduced to a shaken ball of anxiety any time he was confronted with large crowds of people.

So he just started walking. He tried to ignore everything. He just walked forwards, and hoped that the little blue indicator on his phone would make sense once he had actually begun his journey. By a stroke of luck, it appeared he was going in the right direction, and he started to speed up as he came out into the evening sunlight, delighted that he'd managed to surpass the army of commuters without passing out or dying, or something equally dramatic.

Fortunately, Victor's block of apartments was pretty much impossible to miss. Yuuri rounded the corner on what had appeared to have been a quaint, narrow street, only to be affronted by the steely glass tower which juxtaposed starkly with the brick and plaster of the surrounding shops and housing. His eyes scanned over the sign outside the building, confirming that it was, in fact, where Victor lived.

A sense of worried urgency built up in Yuuri's gut, and he dashed over to the entrance, looking around frantically for a way to get inside once yanking on the door unfortunately came to no avail. Looking over to the side of the door, he cursed as he saw the huge list of apartments and buttons. He attempted to still his shaking fingers as he searched for the button for Room 905, holding it down immediately upon seeing it.

He stopped.

Victor wouldn't be able to hear the buzzer. Yuuri immediately felt extremely foolish - how could he forget? Incredibly annoyed at himself, he pulled his phone out again and sent Victor an abysmally-typed text.

 

**Yuuri**

_can yuo buzzz me nin_

 

He clicked his teeth, just about to rewrite the message when he heard a click at the door. Sure enough, the door swung open when he pulled on the handle, closing behind him with another click which echoed in the spacious, minimalist reception area. He spotted the lift, and stumbled inside it, pressing the '9' button about twenty times in his impatience.

As the lift ascended with a soft whir, Yuuri allowed himself time to breathe again. He hadn't been this worried about someone in... ever. Enough that he was willing to brush aside his own troubles, even if he wasn't doing very well with it. He'd never been any good at comforting people, and he just hoped that he'd be able to pull through for once. He could try, for Victor. He thought that just maybe, he'd try anything if Victor asked him to for him. Which was probably careless, but nevermind.

With a muffled 'ding', the lift doors opened, and Yuuri swiftly exited, trying to figure out the maze of a corridor. He just managed to stop himself from knocking when he spotted Room 905, and instead sent a message,

 

**Yuuri**

_im outside your door_

 

In only an instant, the reply came,

 

**Victor**

_its open_

 

Yuuri grabbed the golden handle, letting himself inside as calmly as possible. The first thing he noticed was that it was _really_ cold, and the second was Victor's lithe silhouette crouched on the floor next to the balcony doors. The doors were wide open - probably why it was so damn cold - and yet Victor was merely clothed in a vest and thin pyjama bottoms.

Victor was looking up at Yuuri pitifully; his eyes lit up, apparently glad that he was there, but his cheeks were stained with tear-marks, and his eyelashes glistened.

"Yuuri-" he choked out, and he looked so horribly vulnerable, that Yuuri couldn't help but kneel onto the wooden floor beside him and wrap him tightly in his arms. He was freezing cold, and he was shaking weakly.

"You're so cold," Yuuri said over Victor's shoulder, more to himself than meaning for Victor to understand him. Yuuri gently released Victor's trembling frame, and crawled over to the balcony doors to slide them shut. When Yuuri turned back, he saw Victor watching him vacantly.

"Why'd you open the doors? You'll get hypothermia like this," he said to Victor as he sat in front of him. Victor scrunched up his eyes and shook his head.

"I... I don't know what you're saying. I can't concentrate... I can't read your lips," Victor said quietly, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked at the hardwood floor.

"Oh," Yuuri said simply, then nodding. He stood to turn the thermostat up high in an attempt to warm the apartment up as quickly as possible, shivering as he remembered how cold Victor's hands were in his embrace. When he turned back, he noticed some kind of device on the floor, and another of the same a few feet away. Upon closer inspection, he recognised them as hearing aids, and he looked over to Victor who was sniffling into his arm. Had he always had these?

Yuuri took the duvet from Victor's bed, and draped it over Victor's form on the floor. Victor grabbed Yuuri's shirt in his fist, gesturing for him to come under the blanket as well. Trying to exert control over his breathing, Yuuri shuffled underneath the blanket and let Victor plant his face into his shoulder. Victor cried some more; Yuuri heard choked sobs coming from his chest as he watched Victor's shoulders quake violently.

"I'm so glad you're here," it was barely a whisper, but Yuuri heard it. Yuuri rubbed a comforting palm over Victor's back before tapping him, silently asking him to look up at Yuuri.

"What happened with Kouichi?" he asked softly. Victor squinted, obviously trying to work something out, before saying,

"I don't know what you're saying," as he sighed in exasperation. "I don't know..." he mumbled again. Yuuri bit his lip; if Victor wasn't able to see what Yuuri was saying, then now was the best time for him to sign, right?

He sat back from Victor, gently pulling his arms away from his body. Just as Victor deflated and was about to ask what he was doing, Yuuri signed,

'What happened?', hoping to God that it was even recognisable as signing. Victor's eyes widened.

"You learnt more on your own?" he asked with a genuine tone of surprise. Yuuri nodded.

'I wanted to talk with you', he signed nervously, hoping that Victor understood what exactly he was trying to say.

'Thank you', Victor signed in return, before taking a deep breath in to begin talking.

"Ever since we started dating, Kouichi started acting... more and more strangely," Victor pursed his lips. "For one thing, he was always telling me I should do the things which were best for me. And I mean, he would decide those things for himself. Like... me talking to you, he really didn't like that..." Victor sighed. "But, honestly, I was kind of smitten with him at first, and I thought it was somewhat endearing. I was happy that he cared about my well-being..." Victor trailed off.

'And he did something bad?' Yuuri signed, his expression obviously exuding worry.

"Yeah... Yeah, he did." Victor said brokenly, wiping at his eyes before carrying on. "I guess it started to get really strange once I mentioned I was thinking about becoming a coach. There's a skater I had my eye on, and I felt inspired for once, so I thought, why not? And, anyway, I was happy that I'd found something I wanted to do, so I told him," he breathed in shakily. "He said something like, 'I won't let you become a coach unless you're my coach', I don't know, I can't remember exactly... But anyway, I told him that I was happy to skate with him and give him tips, but there was somebody I already wanted to coach. And, Kouichi is a good skater, but he's not got the potential to be... world-tier, I guess," Victor's face paled.  
"Then he started blanking me. Usually, we'd go out and skate together, but whenever I suggested it, he told me to stay home because of my legs, even when they weren't feeling bad at all. That was really when I realised something was wrong - worrying about your partner is one thing, but literally making sure they don't go out for pretty much no reason is not healthy, I know that. He stopped trying to have sex with me, too, and he would usually ask every time even though I always said no. Then came th-the weird phone calls," Yuuri watched Victor become visibly more upset.

'Are you okay to talk?' he signed before placing a hand on Victor's shoulder. Victor nodded, placing Yuuri's hand back down.

"I'm okay. So, Kouichi started taking a _lot_ of phone calls. Of course, I noticed that he would literally never face me whilst he was on the phone, and it was so infuriating, I just..." he breathed pointedly. "I was so angry. He thought he could just say whatever he wanted, right when I was there, and he obviously didn't want me to know what he was saying. I was _right there_ ," another sob escaped Victor, and Yuuri put his hand back on Victor's arm to let him know that he was there, and that it was okay to continue.  
"A-And so I. Today. I have hearing aids since that was the first way I used to get by when I'd just become deaf - but I hated them so, so much. Like, I just. Hated hearing. Because of things that had h-happened to me before. So I never, ever use them," he explained shakily. "But I was so infuriated at h-how _disrespectful_ Kou was being to his own boyfriend, that I put them in when he got on the phone today. Of course, he was fucking cheating on me," Victor scoffed in disgust. "I listened to him dirty-talk some _guy,_ I don't know who he was - whoever he was using for sex because he couldn't get it out of me," he laughed bitterly.  
"But that's not all. I guess the guy asked about me, since Kouichi then commented on how he _doesn't really want me anymore_ and that he _just wanted to 'keep me' because I'm cute and famous_. And how I had _no clue_ about what was happening, and that I was _fun to tease_ because I can't hear. It... It was s-so nasty to hear - and he told me that he _loved_ me, e-every day, he told me that. I was so in shock, I was just crying. I-I was just crying, and then he noticed, and told me that I could 'count on him and tell him what's wrong', and that he ' _loved_ me _so_ much'," Victor had broken into full sobs by then, and Yuuri could feel his heart practically shattering into pieces.  
"T-Then I got rrreally angry. I screamed at him, I threw my hearing aids at him, told him to get out because he was a dirty liar. I think he r-realised what had happened, s-since he looked so shocked and got out without saying anything," Victor choked out a laugh pitifully.

Yuuri could feel his mouth hanging open a little. Everything strange about the last few weeks slotted neatly into Yuuri's memories; Victor must've been there at the rink that day. But Kouichi, for whatever nasty reason, didn't want Victor to see Yuuri or talk to him. To think that Yuuri had been worried that Victor didn't care about him anymore - he felt incredibly guilty. If he had been a little less selfish, perhaps this wouldn't have happened...

'I'm sorry', Yuuri signed over and over, trying not to let his fast-paced breaths become too loud.

"Why are you apologising? It's not your fault, Yuuri, I promise - I should've realised what was happening from the start. I should've at least explained to you why I stopped talking, rather than just leaving you hanging like that... It was rude," Victor said sincerely, his sobs appearing to have subsided somewhat. Yuuri shook his head violently, but Victor just smiled a small smile.

"We can agree to disagree," he said softly. "I feel a lot better after off-loading that. I just wish I wasn't so stupid to actually think that somebody loved someone as disappointing as me. I know it's stupid, but I'd tried to make it cold so that perhaps I would feel numb to all of this," Victor sighed sadly. Yuuri sincerely felt very confused.  
"Lots of people love you," he said on instinct, forgetting about signing. Fortunately, Victor seemed to have gained some composure since the last time he'd tried to lipread, since he replied,

"Not anymore. My family haven't wanted to know me in years and years. I'm a failure as a figure skater, as well as a failure of a normal, functioning human being," Victor said reservedly as he fiddled with the edge of the duvet. Yuuri was no less than appalled.

"B-But you're one of the best people I know? You're not a failure at all! You won world championships, and you're a great model, and you have lots of friends who love you! I'm sure about it," Yuuri looked at him surely, trying his best to get his feelings across.

Victor just shook his head and smiled.

"None of that really matters. I'm not at all who people expect me to be. I'm such a disappointment of an idol to all of those who admired me as a skater. I'm injured, retired, and very sorry for myself. I've become very introverted - there are no friends who particularly want to be around me, Yuuri, nevermind love me," Victor said evenly and calmly, as if he had become at ease with these facts.

"No," Yuuri said sharply, sending Victor a piercing gaze. "I want to be around you a lot. I missed you so, so much when you were gone," he said, because it was true. He kept asking Victor to come out on a walk with him and Vicchan, or if he wanted to even just get a takeaway, or if he wanted to go to the hot springs with him when he went, despite the fact that Victor never replied. Yuuri knew he was infatuated with Victor in some way, and it had really been freaking him out, pretty much, since it obviously wasn't just because he was a celebrity anymore. At least, Yuuri thought so.

"Yuuri..." Victor said sweetly. He placed his hand over Yuuri's and spoke gently. "I really appreciate you saying that, but in the grand scheme of things, you barely know me. The more time you spend with me, the more disappointed you will be."

"That's not true! I've always wanted to be around you!"

Victor cocked an eyebrow.

"Always?"

Yuuri's heart felt as if it was going to burst with infuriation.

"Yes! Always! I've always loved and admired you, nearly my whole life! And don't tell me that you're a disappointment just because you had to stop skating due to injuries and becoming deaf - you're not! There's no way someone would have been able to overexert themselves like you did in those circumstances. And that's true - you _always_ tried too hard! You injured your knees because you're the _opposite_ of a disappointment, right? You always tried your hardest, even when you failed, and I really liked that about you. You haven't become a disappointment, even if you're sad a lot more now. When I talk with you, you are the Victor I had always admired and loved. You're no different. You became deaf, so what did you do? You learnt how to lipread, and you learnt how to sign. I'm not stupid - I know how much effort that must have taken. So what if you have some problems? That doesn't make you a _failure as a person_ ," Yuuri could feel his arms shaking. "D-Don't keep telling me this b-bullshit, because I am right here, I _know_ that I can counteract everything you're trying to tell me. It's not true. _I_ love you, so you don't have to worry about that anymore," Yuuri enunciated, breathing heavily as a result of his outburst.

Well.

It was all out in the open now.

Funnily enough, Victor didn't seem to have any kind of huge reaction to the fact that Yuuri had been lying about his ignorance of Victor's career ever since he had met him. Yuuri noticed a blush set across Victor's cheeks.

"Oh... I didn't catch all of that but I-I... I caught most of it," Victor said quietly, looking away in embarrassment.

"You're not angry that I... hid it?" Yuuri said vaguely.

"No, there's no way I can be angry... If you don't think I'm a disappointment, then, honestly, I'm delighted that you appreciated my work so much," Victor explained sweetly. "And it also means that... that _was_ you."

What did that mean?

"What?" Yuuri said awkwardly.

"I got sent a video the other week, of a skater performing one of my old programmes," he started, and Yuuri sucked in a breath between his teeth. _Minami!!_ "The video wasn't a good enough quality for me to see the skater's face, but... he was beautiful. His imitation was infallible, and he'd put feeling into the programme that I didn't even know was there in the first place," Victor smiled fondly. "And when I watched him, I just kept thinking of how he kind of seemed like you somehow. Which would make sense, since it was you, wasn't it?"

Yuuri's throat closed up. _Victor Nikiforov had just called his skating infallible. What kind of parallel universe had he wound up in?_

"Y-Yes," he squeaked out. Victor smiled.

"I'm so glad it was you," he iterated. Yuuri felt another wave of blushing overcome him.

"A-And I'm glad that you're not mad," Yuuri replied awkwardly, and Victor even laughed.

"Thanks for listening to me, Yuuri. Honestly I... I actually feel better now than I have in weeks. Perhaps it's because I've gotten to meet my number one fan," Victor teased with a half smile. Yuuri felt his heart jump a little, maybe because Victor was looking really attractive like that? Just a bit? Okay, he was really confused now, and embarrassed.

"Don't," Yuuri said simply before burying his face into the duvet. Victor grinned before taking the duvet away from him and throwing it onto the bed.

'Why?' Yuuri signed perplexedly.

"I've got an idea. Would you like me to teach you how to sign some more?" Victor suggested. After a moment, Yuuri nodded eagerly.

"Good, because if I teach you, then I want a repayment - make me coffee and let me watch you skate tomorrow. Deal?" Victor asked.

Yuuri's mind went into overdrive. _Victor_?? Watch someone like _him_ skate??

'Okay?' Yuuri signed uncertainly, some kind of childish excitement building up in his gut.

'Great', Victor signed back with a beaming smile.

Leaving him Yuuri choice in the matter, Victor sat back onto the sofa with his legs crossed and switched on the TV. After he patted the empty seat beside him, Yuuri took his cue to sit next to him. As Yuuri texted his mum to look after Vicchan for the night, Yuuri wondered how exactly the evening had managed to take such a dramatic, positive turn. But as he sat there in the now-warm apartment, surrounded by expensive-looking furniture which were oh-so-very _Victor_ , as well as Victor himself, Yuuri thought to himself that maybe they were really good for each other.

His heart swelled as Victor spoke to him, telling him about similar signs that he shouldn't mix up, and he couldn't help but smile at the fact that Victor probably counted as his best friend alongside Yuuko. Despite how unlikely becoming best friends with his lifetime idol was, and the strange feeling that welled up whenever he thought of Victor now, the happiness that accompanied the lull of Victor's voice told Yuuri that their friendship really, wholeheartedly, worked.

He couldn't wait to see how Victor would develop.


	6. Rose Ginger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's me again!  
> Sorry for it being a slightly long gap this time; I bought Tales of Berseria and it took over my life for a bit :o but this chapter is longer than usual, so hooray~  
> It took me much longer to write than usual, too, but I managed to power through ;; I find I dislike writing from Victor's POV, but I thought this scene was really significant for him, so I really wanted to show how he was feeling.  
> chapter alternatively titled Yuuri's sexual identity adventure lolol
> 
> To get updates or just talk about stuff then you can find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/pixelpastels) c:  
> Hope you enjoy!!

Victor would be lying if he said he wasn't totally buzzing as he made his way down to the ice rink along with Yuuri. He'd slept better than he had in weeks the night before; he wondered whether dating Kouichi had really been that stressful. In the moment, Victor had always been willing to listen to Kouichi - after all, he had kept saying how much he loved Victor and tried to consider his wellbeing. Yet, in hindsight, the fact that Victor was feeling refreshingly free (albeit rather shaken) indicated to him just how much he'd been tolerating. He was always so unlucky with relationships...

Nevertheless, looking at Yuuri, he felt lucky. He'd struggled to bond properly with anybody in years, and even though he had friends, they weren't like Yuuri. Friends from his career were nearly all from overseas, anyway, and he would simply exchange odd messages with them sometimes. Rinkmates he'd met at the Kiri Arena soon lost interest in him once they realised that he would never accept their invitations to parties or competitions and suchlike.

Somehow, Yuuri was _something else_. He didn't know what it was, but Victor just felt so at ease around him. Yuuri seemed to care about him, but he didn't treat Victor as if he was totally inept, or treat him with uncalled-for amounts of sympathy. He was kind and fun, as well as understanding. And... the dark soft waves of his hair that covered his ears were really nice, and his blue-framed glasses accentuated his button-like nose, and he couldn't have helped but notice the way elegant curves outlined his skater's body. Yuuri was cute. _Really cute_. That fact hadn't changed since Victor had first seen him. And the glints of gold in his wide brown eyes as he looked up at him were beautif-

Victor immediately withdrew his gaze to stare at his own lap, concentrating unnecessarily on the slight jostle of the train as it moved. _How embarrassing_. It wasn't even the first time he'd gotten caught staring at Yuuri, he bet.

A few seconds later, he felt a soft touch to his hand. He looked up to see Yuuri wearing a rather anxious expression, followed by him signing,

'He won't be there'.

Victor felt his heart jump and a flood of guilt wash over him. Yuuri thought he was worried about Kouichi being at the rink, bless him - he hadn't realised that Victor had been shamelessly checking him out. _I'm so sorry, my innocent and lovely Yuuri._

Victor's eyebrows turned upwards as he smiled apologetically at Yuuri.

'I know', he signed in return, and then gave his hand a small squeeze.

 

 

Victor almost felt guilty for suggesting that Yuuri perform for him. As Yuuri tried to lace up his skates, his fingers were shaking so violently that he couldn't even tie them properly. Victor stopped him and bent down to lace them up himself, asking for the fifth time whether he was sure he was actually okay with doing it when his laces were securely fastened.

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, really, so... I want to do it," Yuuri said, albeit not too confidently.

"I'm not going anywhere, Yuuri. I'd hope that I'd still be around to see you skate a year from now, or whatever. Still though, it's only me. You know I'm not all that big of a deal by now," Victor laughed.

"You are to me..." Victor could just about make out the words on Yuuri's lips. As he smiled, he felt himself blush. He could barely believe Yuuri was twenty-five years old, what with how sweet he was.

They'd come pretty early in the morning, and there were only three other people on the whole rink. Plenty of space for Yuuri. Alas, Victor watched Yuuri's complexion become visibly pale as he looked upon the expanse of the rink with wide eyes.

"It's only a few people, so don't worry," Victor assured him.

"It's not them that I'm worried about," Yuuri fiddled with his jacket nervously.

"Me again?" Victor asked softly, and Yuuri hesitated a moment before nodding.

"Yuuri, you don't need to think of me as a professional skater anymore. You're my best friend, and I want to see the things you're interested in. I'm not a competition judge," Victor said clearly. Something must've lit up inside Yuuri, since he then gave a shaky but assured nod before gliding out onto the rink.

Yuuri twirled once, then slid up to the wall of the rink to talk to Victor.

"This is the last programme I composed. It was a while ago, though, so I'm sorry if it's not too good," Yuuri admitted sheepishly. "Um, you still have my phone right? Can you play the first track once I get into position?"

"Got it," Victor nodded, and Yuuri skated off to find an appropriate space. Once he stopped, dropped his hands by his hips and looked up at Victor, he pressed play. For a moment, he was nervous that he might've played the wrong thing, or that the volume might not be loud enough, but once Yuuri started to dance, all of his worries disappeared.  
He was unsteady, and extremely anxious - Victor could tell. Despite that, it was clear that Yuuri was trying to dismiss those things and put on a true performance, and Victor could easily admire that quality. He really did. It was strange - as Yuuri twisted energetically on the ice and elegantly splayed his arms into the air, Victor felt as if he was hearing music for the first time, even if technically, he could barely hear anything.

One thing was for sure; Yuuri was a performer. Even if Victor couldn't hear the music, it flowed from each and every movement of Yuuri's body. He could tell which parts gave the audience chills, which parts were legato, and which parts were staccato. Yuuri flunked almost every jump, but it didn't matter; Victor had already seen that Yuuri could be near-immaculate with technicalities, and in his opinion, that wasn't even the most important part of a programme.

He could describe Yuuri's skating as nothing less than a work of art. Every move was full of emotion, and in a way, the composition was similar to the way Yuuri made drinks. Sweet, and hot.

He was so beautiful.

It was only once Yuuri struck his finishing position and looked over to Victor, red-faced and breathing heavily, that Victor noticed quite how hard his heart was pounding. _I'm fucked._

"It was beautiful, Yuuri," Victor praised, beaming as Yuuri skated over to him.

"You've got to be joking. That's the worse I've ever done that programme!" Yuuri cried before slumping over on the bar.

"No, no, Yuuri. I admit, you need better control under pressure, since you'd only get half the points for a performance like that in a competition," Victor laughed and Yuuri made a pained expression. "But for the performance half, you'd get full points. You make music with your skating," he smiled, touching him appreciatively on the shoulder. Yuuri straightened up and blushed, his eyes shifting away.

"Thank you," Yuuri said, despite it all.

"You're welcome," Victor replied as Yuuri stumbled off of the rink, exhausted. "So, that's why I want to become your coach!"

Yuuri immediately tripped over his own foot, and Victor had to rush forwards to save him from cracking his head open on the bench.

"Oopsie dais-"

"You _what_?!" Yuuri exclaimed as he looked up at his saviour, his chestnut brown irises sparkling in shock. Victor chuckled.

"I did say I had my eye on somebody."

"Y-You can't coach me! I'm a total amateur!" Yuuri spluttered out.

"So? You could easily be a not-amateur, if you chose to be," Victor commented nonchalantly.

"Victor, that's impossible! I'm nowhere near good enough," Yuuri denied, his eyes still boring into Victor's.

"Okay, Yuuri. If you're not anywhere near good enough to be a professional skater, then tell me, how come you can imitate the programme of a five-time world champion almost perfectly?" Victor crossed his arms. "The fact that you have the ability to do those things doesn't suddenly change once you're doing your own programme."

Yuuri fell quiet, reservedly looking over at the rink in thought. Victor supposed he'd realised the truth in his words, as he then looked shyly back over at him.

'Really?' he signed.

'Really.'

"O-Okay then. We can talk about it," Yuuri agreed hesitantly. Victor grinned.

"You don't have to get into it if you don't want to, Yuuri. Besides, I already have a job - I'd be happy enough just to watch over you unofficially, as your friend," he continued. Yuuri nodded, pink dusting his cheeks as he smiled.

"Thank you, Victor. I-I guess I could try entering some bigger competitions, If I can find the confidence," Yuuri suggested. Victor could tell it was outside of his comfort zone, but if Yuuri was willing to try and overcome his anxiety, Victor would be right there alongside him to encourage him and give him support in any way he could.

 

* * *

 

 

After getting home, Yuuri collapsed dramatically onto his sofa. Even though he'd only gone through a whole programme once, and skated around freely with Victor, he was totally exhausted. He supposed it was due to the strain that had been put on his emotions over the last couple of days more than anything else - in comparison, his life had been painfully eventless. Having a view into Victor's life made Yuuri appreciate how quiet his own had been, in a way. Quite frankly, he couldn't even imagine how he would react in Victor's situation, considering he had never been injured, or even had a real relationship. Yuuri couldn't even handle the stress of social situations, nevermind losing family or a lover like Victor had.

Aside from bagging himself a coach, performing for Victor had wholly brought Yuuri's attention to his own feelings for him. Yuuri pondered whether he had really been so scared to perform in front of Victor because he was his figure skating idol; he realised he actually hadn't thought of that aspect even once. He kind of... sort of just... wanted to show off to Victor. He wanted to impress him. Personally.

He was quietly ecstatic that Victor had called him beautiful, even if it had been indirectly. So, really, from everything that had happened, he couldn't help but think...

_Did he have a crush on Victor?_

He was comfortable around Victor. He didn't revere him as some kind of distant figure skating god anymore. Despite that, Victor's pretty words and gestures would still sometimes make his heart-rate pick up, or give him butterflies in his stomach... it was just like a crush. He thought so, anyway.

Yuuri had never even seriously considered being gay, or at least being not-straight. He didn't think that he'd ever felt like this about a man before, so was it even possible? It was embarassing; he really knew nothing about sexuality. Nobody ever spoke about it, really, so Yuuri didn't really know how it was supposed to be defined. He didn't think the people he knew were homophobic, as such, but rather queerness was regarded as a distant topic - at least in the area of Japan where he lived.

Ironically, Victor was also the only person he knew, as far as he was aware of, who wasn't straight. So basically, he was the only person Yuuri could ask about it.

"Why does it have to be him?" Yuuri groaned, pushing his face into the arm of the sofa in a mini-tantrum. _Victor..._

 

After pitifully having an identity crisis lying on his back for about ten minutes, Yuuri gave in. Victor would probably be thrilled to help out an uneducated friend; he was like that. And that was all. Yuuri thought that as far as Victor was concerned, they were best friends and there was nothing more to it. Probably. They were definitely close enough to talk about sexuality, anyway. Probably.

Sighing in defeat, Yuuri shakily pulled out his phone and tapped his and Victor's conversation. Victor had gone to his modelling job upon their parting, but Yuuri was sure he'd reply once he had a break or had finished for the day. He wouldn't be bothered by it. He hoped. _Here goes nothing._

 

**Yuuri**

_sorry this is kind of out of the blue but like, um. how did you know you were gay?_

As he pressed send and read over his message, the panic began to properly settle in. Maybe it was... really obvious as to why he had asked. _Shit_.

 

**Yuuri**

_i'm just curious, if it's ok !_

Sweet. _Nailed it_. That should have made it a sufficiently innocent and inconspicuous question... Probably.

Unfortunately for Yuuri, the waiting game began. He knew better by now than to just lounge around in a perpetual state of anxiety whilst waiting for a response, so he got up, planning to go and fetch Vicchan from his parents' house. Just as he reached to grab his coat, his phone buzzed, causing him to practically leap into the air. _Already?!_

 

**Victor**

_where did this come from? :p but i'll try to explain~_

Yuuri stood still for a minute, eyes fixated on the screen of his phone just waiting for an expansion, looking ridiculous.

 

**Victor**

_after never really liking girls, i think it was really when i was about 15 in school that i started thinking about how handsome one of my friends was... i could barely talk around him sometimes if you'd believe it, haha ^^"_

_over time, the same thing happened with more and more guys. so i think i knew just because i thought about dating them a lot, and also because i really liked it once i got intimate with guys at parties etc lol c:_

_to be fair it was also obvious because i felt jealous of my friends' girlfriends sometimes, which sounds silly, but yeah. it was nothing too dramatic - i just realised i blushed a lot when i thought about cute guys haha :p just standard crushes, really_

Yuuri tried to breathe evenly as he pictured the scenarios in his head. He... He definitely thought Victor was handsome. Honestly, he would even go as far as to say he often admired his looks. Yuuri had no experience with men or women, so that didn't really help much, but he considered the fact that sometimes, when Victor was close, he wanted to... do something. Run away, mainly. He thought so, anyway. Why was that? And jealousy...

Jealousy.

He had been seething with jealousy when Victor started dating Kouichi. He knew that for a fact. Well, Kouichi _had_ effectively taken one of Yuuri's closest friends away from him completely, but even before then, Yuuri remembered making a conscious effort to ignore such jealousy and concentrate on being happy for Victor. And it had been unnecessarily difficult, for someone who was just a new friend. Yuuri had had no entitlement to be jealous of anything of Victor's, and yet -

His phone buzzed again, unreservedly crashing his entire train of thought.

 

**Yu-chan**

_Hey, Yuuri! Wanna have a chat before work? I want some of your nice tea and your mum asked me to bring Vicchan back to you :D_

Oh, _Yuuko. Pure and glorious Yu-chan_. Yuuri had never been so happy to see her name on the screen in his life; panicking with Yuuko was always better than panicking alone. Her sharp rationality always managed to calm Yuuri down, and he was extremely grateful for that. He would even happily give away some of his favourite tea to her.

 

**Yuuri**

_yes ofc! pls come asap i am having a dilemma haha T^T i wanna see vicchan so much too aaaaaaaaa yu-chan help me_

**Yu-chan**

_Haha okay, don't worry. I'll be there in two minutes! With Vicchan xo_

To give himself something to do to avoid panicking, Yuuri went to turn on the kettle and put the rose ginger tea leaves into a strainer, setting out two pink mugs. He smiled when he thought about the fact that Vicchan would be here soon, as even he could help Yuuri rationalise and be calm instead of panicking, despite the fact that he was unable to talk. Still, with his excited " _boof"_ s and licks, and subdued cuddles when Yuuri needed it, Vicchan was somehow wiser than Yuuri could ever be. He could never underestimate the emotional tact of dogs after having Vicchan.

Yuuri finished pouring out the tea, the aroma of spiced rose wafting through the air, and a knock at the door was Yuuri's cue to stumble over to open it. As the click of the lock unlatching sounded, the door was forcefully pushed open by a wet nose, and paws affronted Yuuri's legs.

"Vicchan! Am I glad to see you," he greeted him enthusiastically, and then smiled over at Yuuko, who wore a sheepish smile in return.

"Right, come on. Let's get some tea and talk," she stated, leaving something unsaid. Yuuri nodded, letting Vicchan bound alongside him as he walked over to the lounge section, the tea already set down on the table.

"What's up? You seem really jittery," she started, obviously concerned.

"Yuuko," Yuuri said, serious. "Do you think I like Victor?" he continued clearly, looking at her very expectantly for an answer. Yuuko's eyebrows furrowed, not seeming to quite understand.

"Yes? Why wouldn't you? You've not shut up about him ever since I've known you, of course you don't hate him," she laughed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Yuuri clicked his teeth.

"No, Yu-chan, I mean... God, I feel like I'm twelve years old, but I mean... do you think I _like_ like him...y'know, like..." Yuuri trailed off. Revelation showed up clearly on Yuuko's expression.

" _Oh_ , you mean you want to be his _boyfriend_?" she asked, very matter-of-fact. Yuuri's brain effectively short-circuited. He planted his blushing cheeks into his palms, totally avoiding looking at her.

"I-I don't know. That's the thing," he explained, his voice muffled. "Maybe I just really respect him," he added. "I've never liked a guy in my life. I think."

Yuuko sat back on the sofa and squinted, taking a long sip of her tea as if she were in deep thought.

"It makes sense to me, Yuuri. To be honest, it figures that you always had a crush on him," she half-smiled. "where other guys might have pin-ups of cute girls, you just had Victor posters. _Loads_ of them, too," she laughed. "In fact, thinking about it, I'd be more surprised if you didn't have a crush on him."

Yuuri stared into the warm peach colour that tinted his tea.

...She had a point.

"...Yeah. Okay, yeah," he affirmed slowly.

"Isn't that unlucky, though? I mean, I thought he was dating Kouichi from the rink?" Yuuko asked, confused. Yuuri sucked in a breath through his teeth.

"No, they broke up yesterday. Kouichi used him, basically. That's why I stayed the night there, to comfort him," Yuuri deflated. Yuuko gasped.

"What, really? That's so nasty! Was that why he'd been ignoring all of your messages?" Yuuri nodded. "Ugh, yuck. Anyway, you should tell him! Even if you're not attracted to men in general, I think it's totally valid if you just like Victor! So you should just see how it goes and stop worrying," Yuuko attempted to assure him. Yuuri thought back, and then laughed.

"I already sorta told him that I love him?" Yuuri scratched the back of his neck. By the look of Yuuko's face, it was as if her brain was filled with only question marks.

"Okay? And what did he say? You're not dating??"

"No, no. I think... I only meant to say it as I would to a friend, or as a fan. I think he thought that, too," Yuuri explained, then bit his lip. "I did mean it, though."

"Oh, no way! My baby Yuuri, in love! You've suddenly grown up so quickly! And this time, it doesn't even involve lingerie," Yuuko doted on him, reaching to ruffle his hair before Yuuri pushed her away half-heartedly with an awkward smile.

"Shut up, Yu-chan, no! I-I don't know if I would go as far as to say I'm _in_ love with him, I mean, I could barely even work out if I had a crush on him." _But I might already be in lo- Wait, what?_

Yuuko hummed in agreement, and they sat in silence for a minute as they simply enjoyed the taste of their tea. Vicchan, who had jumped up onto the sofa with them during the course of their conversation, shifted to rest his head on Yuuri's stomach, blissfully at ease. Yuuri stroked the soft curled fur behind his ears gently as he absorbed all of the new feelings he was coming across.

"I'll think about it some more. M-maybe I'll mention something once I feel more sure about how he feels about me," Yuuri decided.

"Don't worry about that, Yuu~ri! I'm certain your charms will have bewitched him already," she said as she pointed a finger. Yuuri spluttered.

"What charms?! Sometimes I can barely even speak to him without stuttering," Yuuri laughed, Victor's anecdote about the boy he'd liked in school suddenly cropping up in his mind. He shook his head. "Yu-chan, that's enough about this. What did you want to 'chat' about?" he asked, remembering her original reason for coming over. Suddenly, her cheeks flared a bright red as she avoided eye contact.

"Yuuko?"

"Ah, that... um, you know Nishigori-tenchou? W-we... um, I think we're going to go on a date tomorrow," her voice wobbled a little. "I'm so nervous, though. But at least you're not the only one with a love life!" she perked up. He was surprised, but Yuuri smiled a soft smile at her.

"Oh, really? That's great," he congratulated her. "Now you can even put in a word for him to not fire me," he joked. Yuuko immediately spluttered out a laugh, saying,

"I'm not going to let favouritism happen, Yuuri! I don't want our business to go under," she joked. "But, anyway, um... once I'm done here, I'm going to go over to the shop ahead of you to speak with him, if that's okay," she became quieter. "I'd like us to be alone," she explained. Yuuri understood, and listened intently as she detailed how exactly they'd started getting closer after some ridiculous incident involving finding a bat in the upstairs seating area of the café.

 

 

After the tea was all gone, they said their goodbyes (well, more like 'see you later's), and Yuuri was left alone with his thoughts (and Vicchan). He padded over to his bedroom, looking up at the Victor posters that he had put up again following his 'Victor is in my room' incident. So, why had he put them up again? He supposed it was true. He found Victor attractive, and his silvery hair and elegant strides very beautiful. He liked looking at him, and somehow, he just appreciated the reminder of his presence and the warm feeling it gave him.

Yeah. Definitely a crush.

For some reason, he found himself sucking in a breath as he flicked through the magazines he'd bought which featured shoots of Victor. However, this time, he allowed himself to take a look at the shirtless poses which Victor had done. In the past, he had very quickly skipped over them for reasons unbeknownst to him at the time. But now, he was really looking, and he found the broad outlines of his collarbones and the slight curves of his waist to actually be rather breathtaking, and very enticing. Was he _really_ not attracted to men?

He stared more. He could remember the same sight in real life - Victor's torso was lean, sculpted, and his chest was flat. His eyes were cool, and his jawline was sharp. He was very, very handsome, and yet also very masculine, despite his elegance. And Yuuri liked it. Yuuri liked it a lot.

Yuuri wasn't stupid. He could feel heat beginning to pool at the bottom of his gut; he knew he was easily getting very aroused. And that was probably why he'd been so keen to ignore Victor in less clothes than was necessary in the past. His subconscious knew it; Victor was a man, Victor was hot, and Yuuri was really into him.

Yuuri closed his eyes as he let his right hand fall to trace over the front of his leggings, and he involuntarily sighed out a shaky breath. _He was completely done for._

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Yuuri-kun!" A chorus resounded as he walked in through the front doors of the café, and Yuuri was affronted by the beaming faces of Yuuko and Minami.

"Wh- Huh?" Yuuri announced rather ineptly, struggling to conjure up a reason as to why the two were so excited to see him.

"Yuuri, you _have_ to come!" Yuuko cried as she bounded up to him. What on earth had happened since he'd last seen her an hour ago?

"What? Come where? What's happening?" Yuuri asked, his head whirling. Minami was next to bound up to him, his brown eyes shining even more optimistically than usual.

"Please, _please_ , Yuuri! You know that it's the NHK Trophy here in Tokyo soon, right? I'm holding a party! Everyone's going to be there!" Minami exclaimed. Yuuri raised an eyebrow.

"Um, by 'everyone', who do you mean?"

"Literally _everyone_ , Yuuri! I'm friends with a few professional skaters who are competing, and they're bringing all their friends too! So it's effectively an unofficial banquet," Minami detailed, waggling his finger proudly. "Victor, too!"

"Victor?" Yuuri said in confusion. To be quite honest, for Victor currently, at least, Yuuri could think of nothing else that he thought Victor would _never_ ever go to.

"Yeah! But um, that's the thing..." Minami looked downwards and tapped his index fingers together sheepishly. _Oh no._

"I actually told him that you're coming already... He wasn't going to come until I said that," he explained, avoiding eye contact that lasted any longer than half a second.

Victor was going to be there...

His heart lurched. Yuuri didn't like parties at all; the mere notion of trying to socialise in a room full of people he didn't know with loud music playing sent him into panic mode. But... Victor would be there. To see him, no less. Despite what Yuuri's head was telling him, his heart quite clearly said _go_. He could go if Victor was there with him.

"Yeah," Yuuri finally affirmed shakily, his heart warming at the thought of being able to hide away with Victor and speak with him via sign language. The loud music would make no difference for them.

"I'll come."

 


	7. Sunbeams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I am somehow still finding the motivation to write this fic ':p thank you to everyone who commented/left kudos !!  
> I had originally wanted this to be much longer, but I'm thinking of ending it a lot earlier than planned. eh, we'll see, I guess~  
> welp, this chapter Yuuri has to deal w/ how head-over-heels in love he is \o/
> 
> Hope you enjoy!  
> (you can find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/pixelpastels) ^^ )

 

 

**Victor**

_yuuri, are you ignoring me??? TnT_

_did i say something bad_

 

Yuuri blinked as he looked at his blindingly bright phone screen with bleary eyes, rather confused in his just-awoken state. Why would he be ignoring him?

He then realised he'd never actually replied to Victor's messages from yesterday, and a sea of guilt washed over Yuuri as it appeared he'd become pretty insecure about it. Not to mention the real reason he hadn't replied was basically due to the fact that he'd gone to jerk off, and then completely forgotten to reply. _Oops_.

 

**Yuuri**

_omg im so sorry, i got distracted and then totally forgot to reply!! promise u said nothing bad tho ^^"_

 

Yuuri sighed heavily, and put his phone back down before basking in the late-morning sunshine which had slipped through his curtains. It was uncharacteristic of the usual wintery weather; the sunlight was comfortably warm on Yuuri's cheeks, and his bare arms weren't cold at all when he wriggled out of his cocoon of blankets to give Vicchan a good-morning cuddle. Vicchan's tail twitched lazily as he nuzzled up to Yuuri's side, and Yuuri smiled.

He then became rather uncomfortably warm when he saw Victor's name pop up on the screen of his phone.

 

**Victor**

_oh ok don't worry! so, how come you're interested?_

_you wondering if you like guys ?? it's never too late to realise after all_

In a way, Victor had seen right through him. Yes, he was very interested (in Victor, particularly), and yes, he had realised that he definitely liked guys. Of course, he wasn't going to lie to Victor, but he'd definitely... omit the first piece of information. For now, at least.

 

**Yuuri**

_um, yeah ><" i think i do. thanks for your info~_

Compared to how quickly Victor usually replied, the next message didn't come for a while, and Yuuri had even begun to worry a little in turn. It was Wednesday, his day off, so he took his time preparing lunch, and lounging around with Vicchan whilst eating it. His heart picked up when his phone started vibrating, yet it turned out to be a call from Yuuko.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Yuuri! I'm just about to head out to the rink, are you coming?" she asked through the receiver.

"Oh, sure - I was literally planning to go as soon as I finished my lunch. It's best to go at early times now so that we can avoid you-know-who," Yuuri sighed, fiddling with a curl in Vicchan's fur. "Wanna watch the NHK trophy together on Saturday again this year?"

The other end of the line went silent.

"Um... actually, Yuuri... Nishigori and I already have stuff planned. Sorry, I really do want to, but..." she trailed off. Yuuri snorted.

"You haven't even had your date today, and you already have stuff planned for afterwards? Wow, you really did hit it off, didn't you?" he teased.

"Yes, okay?! It's... going really well," she mumbled shyly before promptly changing the subject. "Anyway! If that's the case, then why don't you ask to stay with _Victor_ to watch it?" Yuuri could hear the smirk in her tone oh-so clearly.

"Well, maybe I will!" he announced.

"Oh, will you?"

"I will!" he asserted, however the way his pulse sped up told him that he wasn't quite as confident about it as he sounded.

"Well, good luck, then. Let's speak about it more at the rink in fifteen minutes, okay? Bye!" And with that, she hung up. Yuuri smiled, partly in exasperation, and finished his meal as quickly as he could. He left Vicchan with a chewy treat, and exited his apartment.

 

 

As he walked up to the rink, he noted that Victor still hadn't replied to him - perhaps he was giving Yuuri a taste of his own medicine. Unlikely, but still.

He saw Yuuko's silhouette take shape as he came close to the arena, and he waved an arm high above his head, which she returned.

"Hi Yuuri," she said as he approached.

"Hello," he replied, and then Yuuko immediately broke into a huge grin.

"Now that you're here, you can show me how you're inviting Victor to hang out this weekend before the party, right?" she said in a sickly-sweet tone, not going through any more small talk before starting to tease him.

"U-Uh, right..." he reluctantly took out his phone from his pocket, which just happened to spring to life with a text notification as he did so. Yuuri, jumping out of his wits, scrambled to keep hold of it with an 'eep' sound, before promptly dropping it on the concrete tiling. Both of the two winced as it made an unhealthy 'bash' noise on the ground.

"Haha, sorry, can't send it now... my phone's broken," Yuuri shrugged, laughing awkwardly as he quickly picked the phone up and shoved it into his pocket.

"Oi, give that here! You didn't even look at it! It's probably fine," Yuuko kissed her teeth and swiftly snatched it out of the same pocket.

"Yuu-..." he stopped and sighed, knowing he was defeated. He anxiously surveyed Yuuko's expression as she did whatever she was doing; she was reading his texts, presumably, and she'd done it so many times that Yuuri barely even cared anymore.

"You know, that's more progress than I had actually expected," was her first remark. "Anyway, you should probably see your newest message," she said as she handed it back. Unfortunately, Yuuri did see that the very corner of the screen was cracked, but his attention was drawn more to Victor's belated reply.

 

 **Victor**  
_oh, nice!! i'm happy to help anytime you wanna talk about it! honestly i'm not all that surprised haha_

_idk why... i guess i thoroughly believe in the gaydar ;p_

 

Yuuri was barely even familiar with the term 'gaydar', but for some reason the winky tongue face was cute and he couldn't stop looking at it. God, he was so taken with Victor - especially when Victor was as happy as he had been over the past few days. He was really, _really_ dorky.

"And?" Yuuko's voice snapped him out of his train of thought (well, more like admiration).

"HUH?" he blurted out with unnecessary volume before slapping a palm to cover his mouth in embarrassment. Yuuko sighed in amusement.

"Aren't you going to reply? Just staring at it isn't going to let him know your feelings," she waggled a finger as she explained.

"Oh, yeah, right," he mumbled before pointedly facing the other direction, away from Yuuko, to type out a reply.

 

**Yuuri**

_aa? so you didnt think i was straight even tho i said i was, lol? :s_

 

This time, the reply was practically immediate.

 

**Victor**

_dont get me wrong!! ofc i'll believe whatever you say you are, but i kind of got a feeling? idk \o/_

 

Something twisted inside Yuuri. Did that mean that maybe... those times Victor had been ambiguously flirtatious, he had really meant it? Calling Yuuri cute, or teasing him, or telling him how much he appreciated him, or wearing less clothes than was necessary around him... or maybe that was just a foreigner thing. Yuuri had no idea, but he knew that those were all things which had made him painfully aware of his sexuality.

Yuuko stuck her chin on Yuuri's shoulder and patted his waist playfully.

"Okay, great! Now ask him out!"

Yuuri nearly choked on his own breath.

"I can't just ask him out after we've had that conversation! Besides, he might not even want to see the tournament," he protested, eyes wide in fear.

"Of course you can, it's the perfect time to hint at the fact that you're interested in him! If you're too scared to do it, then just give it here!" she announced, attempting to snatch his phone away once more. This time, though, Yuuri was prepared, and he held onto it firmly in his palm as she pulled on it.

"You'll embarrass me, though!" Yuuri complained.

"No I won't! I'm much better at flirting than you are - he won't know what will have hit him," she bragged, tugging harder on the phone.

"But that just means he likes you, not me!"

"Not true, that's impossible. He's gay."

"I don't care! Just give it back!"

They continued to squabble like five-year-olds until finally, another text notification came through, which threw Yuuri off for long enough that Yuuko was able to yank it away from him, and proceed run into the reception area to carry out her evil bidding. Yuuri whimpered, imagining all the terrible, mortifying things she may say under his guise. Still, Yuuri supposed he could tell Victor what happened later. If he would believe him, that was.

Strangely, Yuuko didn't attempt to run away again when Yuuri defeatedly trundled into the room after her. Instead, she was just glaring at the screen in shock.

"Yu-chan?" Yuuri called cautiously, his shoes making an echoing sequence of footsteps as he walked through the airy lobby.

"Yuuri," she started in confusion. "Have you ever considered that your boyfriend might be psychic?"

"He's not my boyfriend," was his immediate response, preceeding the moment that he actually processed what she had said. "Wait, what?" he furrowed his eyebrows, also confused as he looked over Yuuko's shoulder at the screen.

 

**Victor**

_oh yeah, i meant to ask! would you like to watch the NHK trophy with me at the weekend? it should be fun, and i can see who to look out for at the party on sunday, hehe_

_im kind of worried about seeing all these people that i know since i'm so different now. but you make me a lot more confident about it yuuri c':_

 

"Ah," was all Yuuri could say as his heart squeezed. He felt important, for once. Not to mention, he was important to a man who he had loved for god knows how many years...

"'Ah?' You're cute, Yuuri. Your crush is written all over your face, silly," Yuuko remarked fondly. "Now you don't have to worry about it. I'll see you on the ice," she said, parting ways with Yuuri, seemingly in order to give him space. He was grateful.

 

**Yuuri**

_oh, i was going to ask you the same thing, haha ^^"_

_i'd love to._

_im glad youre feeling better about it all, too! im rly happy to help, ill be there for you as always :o_

 

 

 

Unfortunately, the rink was packed with people. Yuuri didn't know if there was some kind of particular event going on, but the crowd was rather dense for a simple Wednesday afternoon. Perhaps it was the nice weather? Well, either way, the audience of family members and friends of those on the rink was pretty unnerving for Yuuri. His skating always drew attention, especially when it was crowded. Alas, his free Wednesday was precious, and he needed practice if he were to let Victor anywhere near his routines. The concept scared him so much that he hadn't even told Yuuko about Victor's coaching request yet.

So, of course, after a simple triple, the whole rink had stopped to watch him, and only him.

_This sucks._

 

* * *

 

 

Even though Saturday, of course, is only three days after Wednesday, it felt like fucking forever. Yuuri was existing in a bundle of perpetual anxiety, which was irrational, honestly - he'd hung out with Victor for plenty of time, and yet still, he was freaking out. His hair wouldn't fall the way he liked it, which was basically a disaster since he had wanted Victor to love it. _It's not a date_ , he had to keep reminding himself. It was just a, um, uh, friendly sleepover? Yet still... for Yuuri, it effectively felt as if it were a date. That was the kind of pressure he was enduring.

He could only be thankful that he already knew where Victor lived. He had kind of insisted on going to Victor's for the occasion even though it was far from the café, since his apartment was so nice. Plus, there was an impressive hi-tech gym in the apartment building which Yuuri would be able to access with Victor's passcode, which had looked very tempting on his way out from Victor's last time. His anxiety had been acting up quite a bit lately, which did no wonders for his physical health due to the fact that Yuuri took comfort in sugary warm drinks when he felt uneasy. He thought he should burn it all off before he started getting chubby once again.

He texted Victor to say that he was there, and an instant afterwards, he heard the building door unlock. On the end of the lead he had in his hand, Vicchan sniffed around rather cautiously as they stepped through the airy reception area to get in the lift. Yuuri was sure he'd cheer up upon seeing Victor; Victor certainly hadn't shut up about seeing Vicchan again, anyway, and the sentiment was most likely mutual. Not that Yuuri could know what Vicchan was thinking, but he was a simple enough being.

Yuuri's heartbeat began to especially pick up when the lift 'ding'ed to signify his arrival at floor 9 - Victor's floor.

"Come on, Vicchan," he said to himself more than his dog, but Vicchan seemed to appreciate the reassurance anyway, as his tail was drooping.

To his surprise, he wasn't met with the blank door of room 905 once he rounded the corner of the corridor. The door was open, and Victor stood at the doorframe, leaning against it with his head tilted. Yuuri's breath hitched; he was so attractive. His silvery hair fell prettily over one eye, and he wore a tight-fitting dark grey t-shirt, paired with equally tight cuffed jeans - _God_. He looked _very enticing_.

"Hi," Victor said softly to Yuuri, and Yuuri's heart lurched along with his breath. He was finding it rather difficult to reply, and he was sure he looked ridiculous, but just as he began to panic, Victor turned his attention to the fluffy canine at Yuuri's feet.

"And hello, Vicchan! I'm so happy to see you," Victor doted as Vicchan's tail began to wag relentlessly whilst he bounded around Victor's legs. Vicchan started to bark successively in reply, and Yuuri became very aware of the other residents in the building.

"Shh, shh, Vicchan! You'll make someone complain," Yuuri hushed, patting his fluffy back. Victor laughed.

"He's so excitable, it's cute. Don't worry about my neighbours; I don't know for myself, but according to the room description, they're all soundproofed," Victor explained with a smile as he continued to fuss over Vicchan. It was so adorable that Yuuri almost found himself reaching out to stroke the top of Victor's head as well. Unfortunately, Victor probably would think he was really strange, so he had to settle for watching on in pained silence, clenching the fist that he wanted to extend towards Victor so badly.

Once Victor was satisfied with how much he had fussed over Vicchan for the moment, he invited Yuuri inside, and attentively took Yuuri's bags over to his bed.

Yuuri allowed himself to sit on the sofa stiffly. He was itching to talk to Victor, but he didn't even know what to say. The silence was unnerving him, and even though it was most likely only Yuuri who thought so, he found himself forcing out something at least a little conversational once Victor joined him on the sofa.

"How have the past couple of days been?" he asked unimpressively, trying to sound as friendly as possible. He'd always been terrible at small talk. Yet, Victor hummed, obviously thinking seriously about Yuuri's question.

"They've been alright. I was out on Thursday and Friday to do some shoots for some hipster-looking clothes line. It was a well-paid job, though," Victor grinned, rubbing his fingers together in jest. Yuuri laughed.

"I'm jealous. If there's a camera-shy barista shoot, let me know," Yuuri joked, and Victor raised his eyebrows as if he didn't quite agree somehow.

"I think you'd do well in front of a camera, though! Well, whatever. What've you been doing then?"

Yuuri's mind went totally blank. Honestly? Nothing. ' _Thinking about today obsessively and pining after you'_   was hardly an appropriate response.

"Uh..."

"Uh?" Victor smirked.

"Don't laugh at me! Um... Uh... I honestly don't remember," he admitted sheepishly. "I went to work, nearly fell asleep and got given the cold shoulder by Yuuko, and I watched the short programmes last night," he managed to recall. Victor nodded, and then he looked up with what was somehow a very cute expression.

"Have you been learning sign language still?" he asked, somewhat more quietly. Yuuri's face broke into a soft smile, and he said,

"Every day," because it was true. He often lost interest or got distracted by something else easily, but he really felt such a genuine sense of dedication when it came to learning sign language. When it came to Victor, Yuuri often made exceptions to his usual way of life.

Yuuri watched Victor's cheeks redden, which probably caused his own to do the same.

"I'm happy about that. Can we try now?" Victor asked, fiddling with the hem of his shirt slightly. Yuuri smiled at him and nodded.

'I'll try my best', he signed. Victor's face lit up - _he was so cute_ \- and he signed,

'Would you like coffee?'

Yuuri nodded, and had intended to say 'that would be nice', but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Victor waited patiently, and in the end he just sheepishly signed,

'Nice'.

Victor laughed and got up to do so, turning the TV on as he went.

 

 

 

Yuuri recognised the majority of the eleven skaters taking part in the tournament. Of course, Yuri Plisetsky currently was at the top of the rankings, and Yuuri had no doubt that he would maintain that position after the free skate. He was only seventeen, but his standard of skating was way above anyone else's in Yuuri's opinion. Though, not too far behind was the score of a Thai skater called Phichit Chulanont, who Yuuri had taken a liking to over the season. Yuuri knew that he would barely progress in the past, yet he had really stepped up technically this season; his programme was complex, and Phichit's demeanor was so energetic and dedicated that Yuuri couldn't help but look on him fondly. He seemed so genuine.

Other than the guy who he knew only as 'Yuri Plisetsky's scary boyfriend', the only other skater he was very familiar with was Christophe - Victor's ex - who had been scoring well consistently, but frankly just not high enough anymore. He had announced his retirement not too long ago; this was to be Christophe's final season, and Yuuri wondered what Victor thought about that.

Victor was four years Yuuri's senior. He had retired at 26, even though he was still scoring well, mainly due to his injury. Christophe was 27, hence Yuuri had no doubt that Victor would be comparing his time to Chris'. Yuuri still had time to compete at least once. Victor knew his time was at an end, injury or no injury. Yuuri bit his lip, a guilty weight hanging in his chest. He hoped Victor would actually enjoy seeing the competitors like he hoped he would.

After dragging himself out of his whirling anxious thoughts, Yuuri noted that Victor was taking a while to make the coffee, and wondered whether he was okay. Out of pure concern, he stood up and walked into the kitchen, and found Victor pouring the coffee into the mugs.

"Hi," he said, and trying not to startle Victor, he tapped him on the shoulder lightly to signify his presence. It didn't go all too successfully; Victor jumped noticeably, but then softened and smiled.

"I'm nearly done!" Victor said, picking the pot up again to pour the steaming mixture into the second mug. "I know we like our drinks the same, but I haven't added anything to them yet, but you always make me such nice drinks that I need to do the same! I think maybe I'll go for some honey, or cream... Oh! How about- shit!" he suddenly cursed and threw the coffee pot down, gasping as he brought his wrist up. Yuuri saw liquid drip down his arm, and he then realised that Victor had managed to pour coffee all over his own hand.

"Victor! Are you okay?!" Yuuri asked in alarm, to which Victor merely whined,

"It burns..."

Without even thinking, Yuuri immediately turned the cold tap on, took Victor's arm and placed his hand under the running water.

"You need to be careful! Boiling water can really do damage!" Yuuri reprimanded him, trying to ignore the fact that he knew he sounded exactly like his mother. "Sorry for distracting you... but really, that looks like it hurts a lot... take care," he continued more gently, keeping his gaze fixed on Victor's hand that he was holding. Yet, in his peripheral vision, he was pretty sure Victor was staring at him. Probably just to lip-read... but he'd stopped talking now. And he was still looking. And Yuuri was holding his hand.

Butterflies manifested in Yuuri's gut. He knew Victor should keep his hand under the water for at least ten minutes, and he knew he was perfectly capable of holding his own hand under the tap... and yet he couldn't bring himself to let go.

After a minute of somewhat tension-filled silence, Victor spoke quietly.

"I'm often clumsy like that, no matter how pretty I used to be on the ice. Thank you, Yuuri," he said sincerely, and Yuuri felt his cheeks heat up.

"You're welcome... um, you need to do it for like ten minutes, or longer if it still hurts..." Yuuri said shyly as he loosened his grip on Victor's hand.

"Aa~ah," Victor sighed disappointedly. "You're not going to hold my hand until it feels better?" he pouted.

Yuuri thought his head was going to explode.

"I-! I can if you want me to!" he exclaimed, tightening his grip once more. Victor laughed heartily.

"Don't worry your sweet heart," Victor grinned. "I'm counting on you for the coffee. We should finish making it before it gets cold, and before they start skating," he suggested. "If you would."

Yuuri nodded more vigorously than was probably necessary, and went over to Victor's fridge to see what he could add. Since Victor was the one who suggested it in the first place, he thought honey and cream was a pretty good combination, and made sure to add those. He then topped it off with some cinnamon which Victor had located, and the aromatic scent that it emitted signalled that their drinks were ready to be drunk.

 

Yuuri stayed in the kitchen so that Victor wouldn't be lonely, leaning against the counter with his mug in hand. He took a sip, and it was really quite satisfying, if he did say so himself.

"One day I'll make you a drink which could rival all of yours, I promise," Victor sighed. "I owe you so much."

'No, don't worry', Yuuri signed with a smile.

"It's true, though," Victor protested, showing off that cute pout again. He shifted from foot to foot, apparently getting tired of standing, but unfortunately for Yuuri, it brought his attention unwilfully to the shape of Victor's butt. _Oh, boy._

Yuuri mentally scolded himself _hard_ and pointedly looked in the other direction. He wondered how on earth he had been unaware of his attraction when he had done the exact same thing more times in the past than he would like to admit.

 

When Victor deemed that his burn had receeded to a mere dull ache, they retreated back to the living area. Vicchan had oh-so-helpfully fallen asleep on top of the pile of blankets which Victor had prepared for them, and reluctantly padded away when Victor tried to yank them away from him as gently as he could.

"You can come on the sofa in a second, Vicchan, don't go away!" Victor called sorrowfully, as if Vicchan could understand his every word. As Victor jumped onto the sofa and buried himself in the blankets, they were just announcing the first skater to perform at the tournament. Yuuri perched on the other side of the sofa, and delicately placed himself under the blanket.

After that, they were silent as they watched Seung-gil Lee perform, snacking along the way. Yuuri fiddled with his fingers nervously. Usually, figure skating would seize his entire attention, but with Victor Nikiforov right there next to him, it just wasn't possible.

"Yuuri."

He jumped, and whipped his head around to look at Victor, whose fringe tumbled over as he tilted his head. Yuuri gulped.

'You look uncomfortable. You can come closer', Victor signed as he smiled. 'If you want'.

"A-ah," Yuuri said, mainly against his will.

'Okay', he replied as composedly as he could, and he curled his legs up under the blanket, then shifted over towards Victor. They were close, although not too close, and admittedly it put Yuuri at ease, even though the butterflies inside him were fluttering incessantly.

That was, until Vicchan saw it fit to jump on top of them both, unhelpfully obscuring the screen as he attempted to settle. After a while of "oof"s, "ouch"es and "Vicchan!"s, he sprawled out over both of their laps, and his weight sent Yuuri flush against Victor's side. If Victor had any kind of reaction, he didn't really show it; his eyes were still fixed on the television screen as he absentmindedly ruffled a palm through Vicchan's fur.

Yuuri tried. He really, really tried to concentrate on the skating, but he only even processed what was actually happening when it was Phichit's performance or Yuri's performance. The rest of his thoughts were taken over by thoughts of how warm Victor was, or how easily he could just rest his head on his shoulder, or how he could gently take the hand which was rested on Victor's thigh. _I'm a mess._

It was pleasantly warm. The warmth of Victor and Vicchan's bodies, as well as the soft texture of the blankets. He could easily fall asleep... despite all of his romantic feelings, he was at ease with Victor. He was more content now than he had been in a long time, and Victor seemed as if he felt the same way. He was resembling the Victor he had always admired more and more with every passing day, and it made Yuuri very happy to see it happen. Even if Victor had trouble with his self-esteem after what happened with Kouichi, Yuuri was certain he could pull through and come out stronger than he had ever been before. He sighed sleepily, the same lethargic warmth radiating throughout his being.

"Are you tired?" Victor asked, as if he had read Yuuri's mind. Yuuri nodded weakly.

"Come here," he continued lowly, and Yuuri felt fingers thread through his hair, allowing him to drop his cheek onto Victor's shoulder.

"Victor..." Yuuri breathed, and let his fatigue consume his consciousness.

"Goodnight," was the last thing he heard before he cast aside any attention he had left for the tournament, and let himself fall into deep slumber, curled up into Victor's side.


	8. Vodka and Coke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I DID NOT GIVE UP ON THIS FIC!  
> I've literally never been so busy in my entire life and this chapter is super long at 8k so pls I hope you can forgive me~~  
> some exciting stuff happens this chapter so i couldn't really find a place to end it before it got that long! :p
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! as usual you can find me/progress updates on my [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/pixelpastels)  
> comments & kudos are very much appreciated <33  
>  
> 
> p.s. just a note - conversation in inverted commas is signed, and conversation in speech marks is spoken.

 

When Yuuri woke up, he was immediately overwhelmed by a sense of confusion. The bed sheets were definitely not the same colour as they usually were, and the window was on completely the wrong side of the room. Yuuri deliberately blinked, and reached out for his glasses which were on the table next to him.

It was only really once he could see the world in high-definition (and maybe after realising the bed sheets smelt very strongly of Victor), that he recognised his location. He then completely relaxed, letting his limbs sink into the soft, and seemingly very expensive mattress. He couldn't exactly remember how he got into this situation, and was a little concerned as to why he was in Victor's bed and Victor wasn't. He must've fallen asleep immediately after cuddling up to Victor (unless that had been a dream?), since he had no clue who had won the tournament last night.

He managed to muster up the energy to sit up, and stretched once he was sat on the edge of the bed. He felt so rested compared to usual; he must have gotten at least ten hours of sleep, which was certainly a rarity. He really hoped he hadn't done anything embarrassing whilst he had been sleeping...

Just as he began to panic about his potential unconscious activities, Victor entered the room from the kitchen with a huge grin.

"Ah, so sleeping beauty has finally come around," he smirked.

"D-Did I do anything weird?!" Yuuri fret, all of his words coming out at once whilst he basically ignored everything else. Victor simply blinked with a blank expression, before asking,

"You what? Slower, please," he smiled as if Yuuri's discomposure was endearing somehow. Yuuri gathered himself a little, the embarrassment slowly seeping into his consciousness, and he instead signed,

'Did I do anything weird last night?', and Victor replied with his hands seemingly without any thought.

'Nothing... cute like a bunny... completely asleep... I slept on the sofa', was all Yuuri managed to pick up, but it all made sense together - and although he was a little unsure as to whether Victor had actually called _Yuuri_ 'cute like a bunny', he didn't want to ask. He felt himself blush all the same.

"Good," Yuuri said, both to himself and to Victor. 'Who won?' he went on to sign.

'Who do you think?' Victor replied, smirking.

"Plisetsky-kun, I'm betting," Yuuri guessed, to which Victor nodded with an unreadable gentle smile.

"He was miles ahead of the rest of them. Christophe took silver, though, and Otabek took bronze. Can't wait to get that medal rubbed in my face if we see Chris tonight," Victor added sarcastically, appearing to recall some related memory. Yuuri was surprised to hear him mention Chris so casually; he had been a complete outsider at the time of their relationship, so if they were still acquainted, Yuuri wondered what had actually happened between them.

'You still talk?' he signed nervously. Victor smiled fondly.

"We text sometimes. He's the only person I really still speak to since before around the time that I retired. I think... I'm still a little too distant with him, though. But trust me, I do want to change that," he said sincerely, and Yuuri nodded attentively as he waited for Victor to go on. "Honestly, I'm kind of terrified of going to this party tonight. But I'm a lot more confident than I used to be. I really want to try to fix my relationships, since I'm sick of all the unhealthy relations I've had over the years," Victor explained resolutely, with Yuuri continuing to nod consistently.

'I'm scared too', Yuuri assured him, and then said, "I'll be around all these people I could never even compare to," and Victor gave him a shifty glance.

"You're plenty good enough, Yuuri, stop that," Victor complained. "Yuuko and I will look after you if you're uncomfortable though, I'm sure, so please don't worry too much. Anyway, it's coming up to 9 o'clock, so shouldn't you get going for work? Luckily for you, I already made pancakes," Victor gave Yuuri a half smile, and Yuuri's heartbeat sped up significantly. As to whether that was caused by his realising that he had to go to work, or by Victor's terribly pretty expression, Yuuri didn't know - yet still, it compelled him to stand and follow Victor into the minimalist-style kitchen.

Sure enough, pancakes were stacked high on the kitchen table, and Vicchan was even already feasting on dog food of his own. Had Victor bought dog food just for the cause of Vicchan coming over? Yuuri wondered. That was... really sweet. Victor was obviously attached to Vicchan, and it, for some reason, meant that Yuuri was on the edge of being ecstatic. He loved Vicchan, and he loved Victor; seeing that they had bonded made Yuuri's heart squeeze.

"How did you get up early enough to do all of this? I swear you've never even texted me before 11am," Yuuri teased once Victor ushered to sit across the kitchen table from him. Victor's cheeks became a dusty rose pink, even though he smirked as he looked up at Yuuri from behind long eyelashes.

"I had an opportunity to impress you, so of course I'm going to take it," Victor said as if it were obvious. "This is to make up for my failure of coffee-making last night too, I suppose," he sighed. The memory brought Yuuri's eyes to the back of Victor's left hand. It was still an unhealthy pink colour, but he didn't appear to be in any pain.

'How's your hand today?' Yuuri signed before picking up the cup of coffee which Victor hopefully had made without sustaining any injuries this time. Victor nodded.

"It's okay. It's a bit sore, but it isn't really burning anymore," Victor assured him.

'Show me', Yuuri replied before holding out his hands. Victor gave his afflicted hand over without hesitation. Yuuri gently took the outstretched limb between his fingertips and looked over the sore skin with concern. Indeed, his skin did appear very pink and painful, but thankfully it didn't appear to be too much of a serious burn.

"You don't seem to have any blisters, so I think we managed to stave off the worst of it," Yuuri smiled up at Victor in relief. He breathed in deeply once he saw the expression on Victor's face.

"Thank you, Doctor Katsuki," He smiled up at Yuuri almost flirtily, and Yuuri couldn't help but place Victor's hand back onto the table as fast as he could. _What's with that expression?_

"You're welcome," he replied shakily, trying to remind himself that there's no way Victor was flirting with him and that he would have to control his romance-ridden mindset. When it came to Victor, it seemed that nowadays he had trouble with keeping his hands to himself.

 

Both the pancakes and the coffee were delicious, and Victor had looked extremely pleased once complimented on it by Yuuri. If he really had been trying to impress Yuuri, there was no doubt in Yuuri's mind that it had worked... Not that Victor had to go too much out of his way to impress Yuuri, anyway. Even if Victor didn't know that.

For some reason, Victor decided to come to work with Yuuri. His shift this Sunday was earlier than usual, but being a Sunday, it wasn't horrendously busy. He forewarned Victor about how long and boring the day can be, and yet he still wished to accompany Yuuri. Honestly, Yuuri was grateful, of course - Victor's company was a blessing, however he wasn't sure how much longer he could stay in close proximity with Victor without embarrassing himself by coming onto him in some way. Yuuri had already learnt that Victor's hands were very soft, as well as his hair, so he certainly wanted to touch them again. _Stupid, stupid crush._

The weather was beautiful; the walk from Ukimafunado station down to Yuuri's flat was extremely pleasant. Vicchan practically bounded along the pavement as he trotted alongside Yuuri and Victor, apparently revelling in the sunshine and the chilly breeze which was just not quite cold enough to be called unpleasant. Yet, it was still enough to send streams of air through the waves of Yuuri's hair which caressed the sides of his cheeks. Once again, Yuuri found himself wanting to take Victor's hand, and his gut flipped in frustration. He had got it _so_ bad, and he half resented the bright weather for making him live through the frustration of not being able to hold hands with his very pretty best friend.

As expected, his shift was relaxed and easy-going. There was a steady influx of customers, but only one or two at once, which Yuuri could certainly handle. Victor made a point of only communicating with Yuuri via sign language as "practice for tonight", so Yuuri guessed they would be resorting to sign language at the party if it was too loud for Yuuri to be able to hear over music, since he couldn't lipread like Victor could.

"Otsukare," Victor greeted him once Yuuri was officially off the job. "I'm very impressed with you. How much have you been studying over the last few weeks?" Victor praised him, and Yuuri's throat closed up as his skin blushed red.

"A few hours each day," he admitted, and Victor's eyes widened.

"Still?" he pursued, and Yuuri nodded. "You know, you don't have to do that. I'm perfectly used to getting by on lipreading."

"No," Yuuri started. "It's fun. I like it - it's therapeutic to learn. Plus, it's much easier for you to understand, right? So of course I want to be able to communicate with you like that," Yuuri explained, which caused Victor's expression to loosen into a pleased smile.

"That makes me more happy to hear than you'll know," he said, before his smile then became mischievous. "Oh and Yuuri, tell me something?"

"What is it?" he replied cautiously.

"So, I've been talking with Yuuko a lot today, as I think you saw," _Oh boy..._ "Tell me, why does she insist on referring to you as my boyfriend?"

Yuuri immediately buried his face into his own palms, laughing partly out of amusement, but mainly out of crippling embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry," he started, before remembering to show his face whilst he spoke. "I'm so sorry... because we're close, she insists we're going to date," Yuuri explained, tactfully leaving out the part where it was because he had practically admitted his undying love for Victor.

"Oh, just because we both like guys?" Victor questioned, and the simplicity of it wrecked through Yuuri's throat. They could so easily date, and they acted like they were half of the time, and yet... Why did Victor feel so distant? Was it because of Kouichi? Yuuri didn't know what it was, but there was some kind of certainty in Yuuri's mind that he could never, ever ask to date Victor.

"Yeah, something like that," Yuuri answered with a sigh.

"Would dating me really be that bad? I'm hurt, Yuuri," Victor retorted with a playful pout.

"No! That's not it, I promise. I'm sure you're great to date," Yuuri laughed off, to which Victor responded with a pensive hum.

"It would appear not, with my dating history," Victor added with a pained expression. "Sorry. Come on, let's get going to get ready for the party," he said quickly, turning to walk out of the store. Yuuri gathered up his things in a rush, and ignored Yuuko's calls as he made towards the door to go after Victor, the bell tinkling in his wake.

'What happened with you and Chris?' Yuuri signed once he caught up to Victor, and then added "if it's okay for me to ask" once Victor turned to look at him.

"Honestly? My mental health happened," Victor sighed. "In general, we had a good relationship, but my fears over what might be going wrong, or whether he really liked me all that much, got in the way. When my knees first started properly acting up, I was under a lot of pressure. It made me really self-destructive, and I think he didn't really understand or know how to deal with that. He'd get frustrated, and so I'd get even more sad, and on and on. It was a vicious cycle. So we both decided that we weren't really cut out to be in a relationship together. Nothing personal," Victor brushed off. Yuuri felt his nose scrunch up.

"That sounds really stressful," was the only sentiment he could offer. Victor shrugged.

"It was for the best. In light of recent events, I can only really use all of my bad experiences as a lesson. Don't take it all at face value, but also, if you have no reason to doubt a guy, then spare at least some trust. Trust is a dangerous area for me, but I still have hope something will work out in the future. I may be nearly thirty now, but I'm not going to give up. Especially since I had to give up on most other things in my life," Victor chuckled somewhat darkly. Despite that, Yuuri's eyes lit up at the Victor he saw before him. He definitely had hope for his future; a far cry from the man that he had seen a few months ago, even if he'd been through some bad things.

"Mm, I think you're right. Well, let's at least try have some fun tonight, okay?"

 

* * *

 

 

It was a lot harder than he made it sound.

Quite frankly, Minami's house was humungous. Yuuri wondered whether his parents were rich or something, or maybe it'd been passed down through the family. Either way, the silhouette of the tall rooftops loomed high over his head as he walked down with Victor and Yuuko, and he suddenly felt very daunted by the prospect of the whole thing.

"Why is it so big?" Yuuri complained in a hushed tone, which sent Yuuko into peals of laughter.

"You can't chicken out because you think it's big. You'll never make any progress like that," she winked. Yuuri sighed at her awful joke, and became more and more focused on simply surviving the night once they could hear the music from outside.

"What are you two saying?" Victor asked, having not been able to see the words in their entirety.

"Yuuri's making dick jokes again. He never stops," Yuuko chirped in, sighing in mock disapproval. Yuuri's jaw dropped open.

"It's not _me,_ it's _her_! I have better things to do than make dick jokes," Yuuri retorted in disbelief, his eyes wide as he urged Victor to believe him.

"Listen, I'm not the one who's thirsty for it like you are. Obviously I wouldn't make a dick joke. I don't even need to think about getting it," she brushed off. Victor laughed heartily, and Yuuri's breath died in his throat, half forgetting what was going on in the presence of such a beautiful smile.

"You know what, I kind of wish I hadn't bothered to ask now," Victor continued to laugh.

"Little of what comes out of her mouth is sincere," Yuuri stated. Yuuko took his arm forcefully.

"How _dare_ you! I say lots of sincere and meaningful things! I do!" She complained, pouting at Victor. He stopped even bothering to read their lips once Yuuri said,

"Oh yeah, you do... as long as you don't just have dick on your mind."

and he instead made three very pointed knocks on Minami's front door, which silenced the pair anyway. The tension as they waited for the door to be opened - and to then have to enter the realm of socialising - made Yuuri feel somewhat woozy. He felt a slight sweat begin to come on.

"I need a drink," he stated very monotonously.

"Please do," Yuuko responded under her breath. "The life and soul of the party."

"Hey, I'm not going to drink _that_ much this time."

 

* * *

 

 

  
This also became a miskept promise. The music wasn't exactly booming, and was quiet enough that Yuuri could hear the cacophony of high-spirited voices reverberate throughout the main room, which was not necessarily a good thing. He soon recognised many faces, who, in turn, recognised Victor. He heard a great many 'isn't that Viktor Nikiforov's from those who had bothered to turn and see who had entered the house, and felt his throat seize up. Was he really going to be able to deal with this situation?

"Oh yeah, would you guys like a drink? Follow me to the kitchen!" Minami announced once they had put all their stuff down, and Yuuri had never responded quite so fast as he did to that question.

Having completely forgotten his prior caution to becoming too drunk, Yuuri came away from the kitchen with a too-large glass of pungent-smelling vodka and coke, and drank a lot of it immediately. Yuuri was now certain that Minami was rich to some capacity; there were so many drinks on the kitchen table that they could not have cost less than ¥15,000. Somewhere in the midst of admiring the sheer amount of alcohol, he realised that Yuuko had already gone off somewhere, but Victor stood rooted to the spot. When he looked over, he saw Victor's fingertips turn white around a glass of clear liquid, and he bit his lip as he glared distantly at the floor.

'Are you okay? What's that drink?' Yuuri signed, feeling genuine concern for him. Victor pursed his lips before stretching out a smile.

"I'm just nervous. I'm... worried that I won't be able to communicate effectively. I can't really read lips all too well in English or Russian. I never spent much time on it. So, this is water," he pointed at the mysterious liquid. "I need to be at my highest peak of concentration."

Yuuri went to say 'oh', but nothing came out. He was about to offer some way in which they could make it easier, but when he began to sign, he was interrupted by loud shouting coming from behind Victor in a language which he didn't recognise. The figure whose voice the shout had come from was wearing a large hoodie, the hood way too low, but Yuuri could still clearly tell that the bright blonde hair which fell onto their chest belonged to Yuri Plisetsky.

"Виктор Никифоров! Эй, не игнорируй меня!" he growled before shoving Victor's side roughly. Victor whizzed around immediately, looking just about as startled as Yuuri felt. _What was going on?? What was he saying??_

Victor then started to address Yuri in Russian with an apologetic smile, (which sounded really smooth and lovely to Yuuri's ears), however he was cut off by another violent shove on Yuri's part.

More shouting in Russian.

Yuuri could see Victor freeze up. He obviously had no more idea of what Yuri was saying than Yuuri did - he was biting his lip awkwardly, and his eyes were darting about Yuri's face in an attempt to find anything that could help him. Alas, it appeared nothing came to him, since he reluctantly uttered another sentence which sounded very apologetic. Yuri appeared to only get angrier, and he grabbed a fist of Victor's shirt. Yuuri was making that the last straw.

"Why are you fighting? Calm down," Yuuri said in English, stepping to stand between the two. Yuri's steely gaze then locked onto Yuuri's face instead, and he growled once more, in English this time,

"What the fuck has it got to do with you?"

And his grip on Victor's shirt only got tighter. For being threatened by someone so small, Victor looked extremely shaken. Yuuri could only imagine that being threatened whilst you have no idea what they're saying is much scarier than being threatened normally.

" _Yuri!_ What are you doing?! Get off him!" An unfamiliar voice called in disbelief, and then Yuri was forcibly plied away from Victor's form.

Their saviour took the form of a short young man with dark skin and fluffy black hair, and when his huge brown eyes turned to look up at Victor and Yuuri with regret, Yuuri recognised the man as being Phichit Chulanont, whose programme he had particularly liked.

"I'm so sorry! He has such an uncontrollable temper, doesn't he? I can't even leave him alone for two minutes without a fight breaking out," Phichit sighed, and then his expression turned to something of surprise once he safely had Yuri's hands under a tight grip. "Oh, aren't you Victor?" he asked, looking up inquisitively. Victor then made a sound as if he were completely deflating.

"I could understand that bit, at least," he said under his breath to Yuuri in Japanese, and then switched to English. "Yeah, I'm Victor. You're Phichit, right? It's nice to meet you!" he smiled, outstretching a hand towards him, which Phichit accepted in awe.

"You know who I am?!" he exclaimed, and Victor laughed.

"Just because I'm retired doesn't mean I don't follow figure skating anymore," he explained. "This is Yuuri. He's not a professional skater, but he might as well be," Victor smiled knowingly at Yuuri, before lightly placing a hand at the small of his back.

"N-Nice to meet you! My name's Yuuri Katsuki! I was really impressed by your programme yesterday," he squeaked before also holding out a palm. He wanted to die a bit inside. _So much for making a good first impression with all of the professionals._ He completely blamed Victor and that damn hand on his waist for his total social ineptitude at that time.

"Oh, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it, because I actually worked really hard for that performance, you know? Actually, your name sounds pretty familiar t-..."

"I do still exist, you know," Yuri barked, obviously displeased with having been excluded from the conversation. "On top of Victor fucking ignoring me."

"He's not ignoring you," Yuuri shot back, surprised at his own firmness. He wondered if all of the vodka that he had downed was beginning to take effect...

"Oh yeah? Then why won't he reply to a fucking thing I say? Anything! I say anything and all he says is that he doesn't know what I'm talking about! Idiot," he spat. Yuuri winced, and looked up at Victor with concern. He merely looked back at Yuuri blankly, his eyes appearing to urge a silent plea.

'You need to tell them', Yuuri signed, his eyebrows turning up at the inner corners. Phichit and Yuri looked between them with much confusion, but Victor nodded in understanding and said,

"I don't know what you're saying because I'm deaf. I can lip read, but I've been speaking nothing but Japanese for the past three years," Victor nodded at Yuri. "So it's a little difficult."

Yuri's face was as if he had just been punched in the gut.

"Don't joke about that stuff, old man," he warned, his lip curling.

"He isn't joking," Yuuri folded his arms impatiently.

"Since when?" Yuri said more reservedly, looking up at Victor more calmly.

"Since a little before I retired. It was a large part of why I retired, too," Victor explained calmly, and Yuri's anger appeared to subside into mere sorrow. Yuuri wondered if Yuri had been so angry because of how much he had valued Victor...

"So? There must have been deaf skaters before! It doesn't matter _too_ much if you can't hear the music, right? As long as you perform the programme well. Why don't you come back? It's been so boring without you..." he ended his speech in a mumbled sadness. Victor looked a little lost, and then looked to Yuuri for help.

"Can you sign it?" Victor asked quietly.

"Ah," Yuuri said softly, and then proceeded to try to translate what Yuri had said to the best of his ability. He only hoped that it had been good enough, since Victor was nodding as if he understood.

"That may be true, but at the same time, my knee injury became really bad. There was no way I could ever perform well enough again," Victor admitted, shuffling his feet a little.

"Oh no, this all explains so much... You should have told us all before! Everyone's gotten the wrong impression of you, I think," Phichit sighed. Yuuri began to translate, but Victor put a palm up to stop him.

"I think I'm getting the hang of it. English looks very different to Japanese, but as long as I know the language, I'll get used to it," Victor smiled. "I wasn't in the right mind at the time to do that, to be honest, Phichit. I regret that. That's why I'm trying to make it better tonight."

Yuuri was glad of it; not just for Victor's sake, but also for his own. Victor's (beautiful) face was beginning to blur a little, and Yuuri was starting to have trouble with simply standing on the spot. He finished his drink, and adjusted the top button of his black shirt. He was beginning to feel comfortable, and he didn't feel quite so on edge about being in such close proximity with his best friend whom he secretly loved, as well as a whole bunch of strangers.

_Perhaps tonight won't be so bad after all._

* * *

 

 

  
If there was anything Victor learnt that night, it was that Yuuri was extremely energetic and unapologetic when drunk.

He didn't quite know what switch had flipped, but once he, Phichit and Yuri had decided to go to find somewhere to sit in the main room, Yuuri had staggered off to go to the toilet. And once he came back, he appeared to just be _very over the top._

The main room was lit by various lamps and fairy lights, and many comfortable-looking velvet and leather sofas lined the walls of the room. Victor didn't know what kind of music was playing, but he couldn't feel the reverberation in his chest, and the people who were standing were just bopping casually, so he assumed that it wasn't too wild or loud. Yuuri was the one to guide them over to a gathering of chairs in the corner of the room near where Yuuko was sitting with a bunch of Minami's friends. Once close enough, he practically threw himself onto a soft chair, arching his back across the seat in a playful manner. Victor laughed a genuine laugh at his antics; who knew that alcohol made Yuuri sexy? The man Victor saw before him was much more like the one he'd seen dancing on the ice than the one who was too embarrassed to hold his hand over the kitchen sink.

A great number of people came over to greet their group once people's shyness had worn off. Victor had thought that it was going rather well, since Phichit had easily explained the situation to people he knew, and Yuuri was there to give him cues with (very exaggerated) sign language. However, group conversations were somewhat of an issue, since Victor couldn't concentrate on more than one person's lips at any given time, and it was sometimes hard to predict who was going to speak next. Obviously, he had missed something, since Yuuri suddenly jumped up and started ranting at a man that Victor didn't recognise. Victor was just about to reach out and stop him, when Yuuri suddenly whipped around to Victor and signed,

'He said you shouldn't be here!'

Victor furrowed his eyebrows, a sense of irritation trickling into his gut.

"Why's that?" he asked, looking up the man in question. Admittedly, he had not been prepared in the slightest for what he was going to say.

"You're retired, and you're a fucking cripple. Everyone keeps wanting to talk to you, but it takes so _long_ and it's so _boring_. Don't think you're special when you're a typical case of failure. You're ruining the party, which is for _figure skaters_ , not charity cases," he spat.

He suddenly felt as if he wanted to cry.

"That's not it," was all he managed to come out with, and he was certain his voice had cracked. "A lot of the people here were my friends."

"Yeah, _were_. You just think you can turn up after two whole years of disappearing off the face of the earth and win back everyone's greatest sympathies? You abandoned everyone," the man's face contorted in anger. Victor spared a glance at Yuuri, who he had never seen to be quite so angry before.

"If you have such an issue with Victor, then just leave, Ichirou! He's been trying so hard, and all you have to say is selfish bullshit! Go home," Yuuri gestured wildly at the door.

_Oh._

He felt as if he wanted to cry still, but for another reason this time. Yuuri was being _so, so protective and cute._ _Oh boy._

"I won't! He's the one who should go h-..." Ichirou stopped talking, and Victor looked around to see why. He then noticed Minami standing at the doorway, and he was saying something to the guy, Ichirou, with an obviously displeased expression. Once he finished talking, Ichirou left. Victor blinked in confusion.

"What just happened?" he asked Phichit.

"Minami told him to go home or he'd show everyone 'the video', whatever that is. I swear that kid has a video for every occasion," Phichit grinned. "He's actually pretty scary."

"OH MY GOD! Right?!" Yuuri's head suddenly came inbetween the two. "He filmed me skating Victor's programme and revealed my TRUE IDENTITY! He outed me!" Yuuri whined, and Victor couldn't help but stifle a laugh.

"I think you were still the same person both before and after I found out that you could skate," Victor stated as-a-matter-of-fact.

"No, I-"

"That was _you_?!" Phichit exclaimed, and Yuuri's face fell into open shock.

"He's shown it to absolutely everyone! I should never have let him come," Yuuri groaned.

"It was so good, Yuuri! You skate beautifully!" Phichit beamed. "We need to skate together some time!"

"Really?! That would actually make me _so_ happy, Phichit, you're so cool," Yuuri exclaimed, taking Phichit's hands in excitement. Victor was happy to see Yuuri having fun, he really was, but he couldn't help but envy the fact that it wasn't himself on the receiving end of such compliments. To make matters worse, Yuri's boyfriend - was it Otabek? - came over to greet Yuri and kissed him, and Victor felt terribly alone all of a sudden. It was strange; he usually wasn't fussed about being single, especially after all of his traumas with dating - but he wondered whether his love for his 'cute barista boy' ran much deeper than he had originally thought. Of course, he thought Yuuri was very beautiful, and sometimes even found it difficult to restrain his feelings around him... but for him to be so affected by it was a new occurence. Everything with Yuuri was new. He liked that.

Fortunately, his state of sorrowful pining was cut short by a soft tap on the knee.

"Can I talk to you alone?" Yuri said once Victor looked up. Interesting. Victor nodded, and they slinked away from the group as inconspicuously as they could. Yet, when he looked back, he saw Yuuri and Phichit in stitches of laughter over something, so he doubted they would have noticed anyway.

They came out of the dark room into the ambient light of the extravagant hallway, and he noted that Yuri took the time to ensure he was facing Victor head-on before beginning to steadily talk in Russian, as opposed to his zealous shouting earlier in the evening.

"Listen... I'm sorry about what I said earlier - I didn't know. I can understand why you acted the way you did. Also explains why Chris was being such a mysterious fuck when I asked about you," he bared his teeth in a smile. "It has been really boring without you, though."

"Yuri, you nearly beat my record last night anyway, and you're only 18. I'm certain you'll surpass me by far, so it doesn't really matter if I'm there or not," Victor shrugged with a smile. "You might want to watch out for Yuuri, though."

"Your loud Japanese friend? Why?" he seemed genuinely perplexed.

"He's not loud, he's just drunk. I've never seen him like that before," Victor shook his head in amusement. "He really is a beautiful skater. I've offered to become his coach."

" _You_ have? How come you'll coach this guy before asking to coach me? I'm hurt, Victor. Do you fancy him or something?" Yuri teased, clearly surprised. Victor flinched a little because of how spot on he was.

"No way..." Yuri's face began to spread into an elated smile. "Victor Nikiforov has a crush," he grinned.

Usually, Victor might admit to it, but it seemed as if all he could do was curl his body in on itself and bury his face into his palms whilst it blushed a bright pink all the way up to his ears, and then say,

"Shut up."

"No way," Yuri retorted.

"Okay, fine. Yes. But he's my best friend, so it's weird. Also, I don't think he likes me. Every time I flirt with him, he just seems to blush and shrink away," he sighed. Yuri clicked his teeth three times steadily.

"Maybe he just doesn't respond well to flirting? You're Victor Nikiforov, how could he say no?"

"Oh, so is that speaking from personal experience?" Victor immediately chipped in with a devious grin; the opportunity was just way too good to pass by. Of course, Yuri practically blew up.

"N-No! You're way too old for me, old man! You know what I meant, fuck off," he grumbled, cheeks glowing. "Anyway, let's go back in before Otabek starts missing me," he made as a poor excuse, and swaggered off back into the lounge.

 

_You're Victor Nikiforov, how could he say no?_

Victor wondered if that was really true. Did he really want it to be? He already knew how much Yuuri had looked up to him, even as a child, so he didn't really want that to be a reason to agree to dating him. Although, Yuuri had seen him at his absolute worst, hence he was pretty certain their closeness had little to do with childhood idols anymore. The thought made him a little hopeful. He sighed, and he also stepped back into the lounge.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

He entered the room to see Yuuri's starry boxers. Yuuri - minus his trousers - was dancing as if his life depended on it, and Chris was across the room from him doing exactly the same thing, except his shirt was missing. Phichit and Yuuko were stood right in the middle of them, shouting something and laughing so hard that it looked like they were crying.

'Hey! You have to watch me! I'm going to win', Yuuri signed with a huge determined smile once he noticed Victor standing by the door, his expression akin to a confused puppy.

'Where are your trousers?' he signed back, spluttering a laugh.

'I look better without them!' was his explanation before beginning to dance again, and when Victor looked down to his defined thighs, he couldn't help but think that he agreed.

Someone then gently took hold of Victor's hand, and when he looked up, he wasn't too surprised to see Chris.

"Why don't you join us? Your boyfriend has some moves," Chris smirked.

"He's not my boyfriend," _Why does everyone keep saying that?_ "Also, I'm sober, and I can't hear the music."

For some reason, this statement made Chris laugh.

" _So_?" he said, as if it made no difference. "Yuuri, Victor wants to dance with you!" Chris called across the room.

"Um, n-no, I-" he began to deny, however it appeared that it was too late, since Yuuri had already grabbed hold of both of his hands. Victor stood blankly in front of him for a second, until Yuuri knelt down to kiss his knuckles on each hand, and then he became totally unaware of his surroundings.

 

He came to understand what Chris had meant. Turns out he had no need to hear the music whatsoever, since Yuuri guided their every move; twists, turns, dips, jumps - Yuuri held him in each and every move. And at some point, his heart fluttering, he began to truly have fun. He completely forgot about any suggestion that he shouldn't have been there earlier in the night, and simply laughed. He laughed and laughed, and Yuuri laughed back. Of course, it was just as silent as everything else was, but he could almost pretend he could hear the melody of the music - and the melody of their laughs - as crystal clear as anything.

At some point, the song must have ended, since Yuuri stopped dancing, and instead held him in a tight embrace, which he did not even hestitate to return. He took the moment to concentrate on the soft smell which permeated his senses - hints of honey-scented shampoo, and lavender washing powder. When he looked over Yuuri's shoulder he could see Phichit and Yuuko - as well as everyone else in his line of vision - clapping, so they couldn't have been too annoyed that Yuuri and Chris had started stripping in the middle of the room.

It seemed as though all of the exercise had sobered Yuuri up a little, since once he released Victor from his embrace, he went back over to collect his discarded trousers and put them on.

"That was more fun than I thought it would be," Victor said once the trousers were securely back on.

"Of course it was fun! Everything I do with you is fun, Vitya~" Yuuri cooed. Victor somehow managed to choke on his own breath.

"Did you just call me Vitya?"

"Yeah, I did. Why? Do you like it?" Yuuri smiled, obviously pleased with himself. _Not now, awkward boner, please._ He was a little taken aback by how excited he was by Yuuri calling him by his Russian nickname.

"Yeah, it's cute," he admitted. "But don't do it too much," he added, thinking of his public dignity.

"Well okay, _Vitya,_ how about we go outside to take a smoke break?" Yuuri suggested. Victor stared at him in confusion.

"Smoke break? Wh- Y-... You don't smoke, though. Do you?" He asked, suddenly doubting everything he thought he knew about Katsuki Yuuri.

"Of course I don't, silly. Obviously I'm talking about a _metaphorical_ smoke break," Yuuri chuckled, clapping Victor on the shoulder twice gently. A what? Was this a thing people knew about? A young people thing? Victor had certainly never heard of it, but he decided not to question him any more, since Yuuri was obviously still tipsy and not giving any straight answers.

"Okay, right. Sure," he accepted the invitation blindly, and let Yuuri drag him upstairs.

The end destination turned out to be the balcony, to which the doors were open and fairy lights strung around the fence, however nobody else was out there. He was, however, glad that Yuuri had taken him there. The stars were shining much more unabashedly than usual, and the moon was shaped into a perfect crescent shape. The pleasant weather from earlier in the day had consequently formed into a mild night; a cold wind gently passed them by, and the leaves of the trees outside the house shimmered fleetingly in the moonlight. Victor took a deep breath of the crisp air, and smiled.

"So by a metaphorical smoke break, you just meant going outside to take a break from the party?" Victor smirked as they walked out onto the wooden decking. Yuuri sighed and said,

"If that's what you want to call it," with a somewhat childish expression. "I just wanted to hang out with you alone," he said very plainly, and looked up at Victor with cute smiling eyes. Victor swallowed, trying to ignore how harshly his heart was beating against his ribcage.

"You know, Vitya, I've got a whole huge list of drinks that I want to try out on you," Yuuri started, his lips moving softly. "It makes me so happy when I see you light up at a taste you like..."

Victor swore he could feel his heart rise into his throat. It was actually kind of painful.

"That's why I want to make coffee for you that's even better than yours. I want you to feel happy like that, too," Victor said carefully, his arm burning where Yuuri's arm pressed flush against his, leaning over onto him.

"I think I'd like that," Yuuri replied, becoming somewhat shier. "And um, you know, I was thinking about this whole coach thing and... I don't know if I can do that. I'm not cut out for being a professional..." he pursed his lips in worry. He was so close, and Victor couldn't help but reach out to a long strand of black hair which had fallen against Yuuri's cheek, and tuck it gently behind his ear.

"You don't have to. I just think you're a beautiful performer, and that you'd do well," Victor assured him. Yuuri looked up at him with large, hopeful brown eyes.

"Really? You really think that I can skate like that?"

"I do. You can do many things beautifully, Yuuri, even if you don't think that you can. Even if you get too scared," Victor said quietly, and he found himself hanging on every word which formed on Yuuri's lips as he drew closer to him. Well, that, and the thoughts of how sweet those pink lips would be to kiss.

"That makes me so happy to hear, you don't even know," Yuuri smiled, and then his eyes turned serious. Victor could feel his every breath shivering, anticipation completely ruining the rhythm of his heartbeat.

"What is it?" Victor asked, concern lacing his tone.

"I... I just like... I really wanna..."

Victor didn't know whether he finished his sentence, but the message was wholly received, as he couldn't see Yuuri's lips anymore, and he instead felt them pressed softly against his own. The feeling he got was indescribable; it was as if his whole torso had been set on fire. When Victor kissed him back, Yuuri became more confident, and he stepped forward to put his arms around Victor's waist, lips eagerly kissing Victor's.

"Yuuri, I-" he attempted to begin speaking, but Yuuri immediately cut him off with more kisses, and Victor forgot all about whatever he was going to say. He could feel Yuuri's fingertips brushing across his scalp - _gosh, that felt nice_ \- and Victor moved the hand which had been on Yuuri's left cheek to run through the subtle waves of Yuuri's hair. That also felt just as nice as he had hoped it would. He couldn't quite believe that it was happening, something which he had longed after for such a lengthy period; he was just considering whether he was having a very intricate dream when suddenly, the kissing stopped.

Victor opened his eyes to see Yuuri looking behind them. His lips were shiny and red from the effort of kissing, and his long hair was a little tousled where Victor had been holding it, and he took a moment to commit the image to his memory forever more before turning to see what Yuuri was looking at.

Yuri was standing there, frozen in a very awkard position, with his elbows sticking out at weird angles and his legs planted wide apart.

"Oh, shit," was what Victor saw form on Yuri's lips, before he pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows at Victor with a hint of 'I told you so'. Victor couldn't help but start to laugh, burying his face into Yuuri's shoulder. When he looked up again, Yuri was gone.

'Let's leave', Yuuri signed, and Victor followed him downstairs without a word. He was happy, of course, but he then couldn't help but worry about what Yuri had said earlier. Was he getting used again because he was famous? No, Yuuri wouldn't do that, but - Yuuri was pretty drunk. It was highly possible that he was doing this because he felt like it, rather than wanting to be in a relationship with Victor. Victor himself had definitely done that one before.

He just tried to not let it bother him, and put it to something he could ask tomorrow, and not ruin this beautiful night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The buzz that Yuuri was feeling was unreal. He was a lot more sober than he had been earlier in the night, but the remnants of his drinking was sitting happily at the base of his mind, and kissing Victor had probably made him feel more drunk than any drink in existence could. The breeze flowing through his hair as they walked home, however, reminded him that this was all very real.

"I am _so_ happy right now... I don't even remember the last time I was this-..." he had been about to reach out to hold Victor's hand, when he totally stopped in his tracks, the soles of his shoes scuffing against the pavement.

"What is it?" Victor asked, looking back at him with blue eyes which shone even in the darkness of the night. Yuuri gulped.

"Isn't that..." was all he could manage to say, and he pointed to the man walking towards them as discreetly as he could. Sure enough, as the figure came closer, the man took the unmistakable form of Kouichi. Victor looked as surprised as he felt.

"What's he doing here? At this time, too?" Victor asked in an overtly anxious tone, shuffling back to Yuuri's side as if it would make him safer somehow. Kouichi seemed to have seen them, too, since his hard-set eyes narrowed, and a heavy sigh escaped his lips.

"Don't shit yourselves, I'm only here since I'm walking to Minami's to pick up someone I know," he said as if he were irritated. "I have no interest in either of you."

"Good, now fuck off," Yuuri said, surprised at his own lack of verbal filter. He supposed it was the drink talking, since he really felt as if he would fight Kouichi if he offered.

"Seems like your coffee friend got a voice since I've been away," he directed at Victor, who clicked his teeth. "I'm guessing you've found out he's a figure skater by now?"

Victor's irritated expression collapsed into genuine surprise.

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew, he won so many of my competitions. Why do you think I kept you around? I needed a good coach. And if you saw him skate, I'd have no chance," Kouichi sighed. "Anyway, glad to see you finally made him your bitch. Sorry that I didn't really consider how much I was hurting you. I hope he treats you better than I could have," he said before moving past them, waving into the air as he walked off.

They stood there for another few seconds still, trying to process what exactly had just happened.

"I think he actually realises he's a piece of shit?" Yuuri said to Victor in disbelief, so much so that it came out as more of a question.

"Yeah. He does. Man, what a way to ruin a night like this, though," Victor deflated, starting to walk towards Yuuri's again, albeit rather dejectedly. 'Let's just go home and sleep, okay?' Victor signed, a loving and gentle smile coming onto his lips.

'That sounds good', Yuuri signed in return, and they kept each other calm and quiet company right up until they could sink into the warmth of the futons on Yuuri's apartment floor. 

 


	9. Spring Floods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Bet ya didn't think this fic would update huh! well here I am, finally~ (uni kills fic writers rip)  
> Since it's been a while, I'm sorry if you have to look over past chapters to remember what's going on, but I hope you'll forgive me!  
> This chapter mainly gives an insight into Victor's feelings about Yuuri, so I hope y'all are ready for Emotions Talk  
> I don't use tumblr anymore but i'm active on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/pixelpastels)!
> 
> Hope you enjoy~  
> 

 

Yuuri often went for a run in the mornings, however this was the first time he had ever willingly rushed out into a downpour.

Anxiety attacks went like this sometimes; unable to cope with the sheer amount of anxious energy wrecking his lungs and creeping its way into his heart and mind, he wanted nothing more than to run as fast as his body was capable of. In spite of the terrible pain assaulting him in the form of a vengeful hangover, what hurt the most was knowing what he had done last night.

Victor had come away from a traumatic relationship merely a week ago - not to mention that that was on top of other abusive relationships that Victor had vaguely mentioned in the past; it was an incredibly selfish and inconsiderate to have kissed Victor just because he had felt like it and couldn't control his crush.

_How could he have done that?_ He thought the worst he could've done after drinking too much was taking off all his clothes (...and to happily embrace the gift of a set of lingerie and model it, apparently) - and while that was embarrassing, he never considered he could’ve done something that could potentially hurt someone or ruin his friendships.

Yuuri's breath began to quicken the more he thought about it. He was terrible and he'd ruined everything, for certain.

A need to profusely apologise swelled up in his chest. Even if he had completely forgotten the fact that his friendship with Victor was probably the most important thing in his life the night before, the realisation had now come down onto his head at full force. He loved Victor, and their friendship shone a tangible ray of hope on his otherwise underwhelming existence.

Attempting to psych himself up to apologise to Victor, he clenched Vicchan’s lead tightly in his fist, breathing heavily and his lip quivering.

As much as he had enjoyed kissing Victor, all he remembered was that he had done it and loved it; he recalled very little about the actual moment itself, and even from a viewpoint that wasn't worrying about Victor's mental health or the state of their friendship, Yuuri was submerged in the guilt of his first kiss being a drunken impulse that he had not been able to savour in the slightest.

It was shameful.

And as he watched Vicchan bound along happily beside him, easily keeping up the pace, his heart burned with how much he had been content with his life. Things were going well, and there was nothing he wanted less that to harm that due to the impulsive nature of his crush.

After completing a few laps of Ukima Park, Yuuri’s breath finally began to even out, and the wheezing in his lungs actually came from physical exhaustion rather than anxiety-ridden breathlessness. With a heavy heart, he thought it best to return home and confront Victor with his apologies, if he had woken up yet. And although Vicchan loved the rain, Yuuri was worried about him getting sick. Sure, dogs’ immune systems are strong, but Vicchan was precious, so he didn’t like to take chances.

 

 

He cautiously opened the door to his apartment, taking off his shoes and jacket as well as Vicchan’s lead. It was only after a shallow pool formed in the genkan that he realised quite how soaked they were – his t-shirt was dripping in a continuous stream onto the tiling, and Vicchan looked like a whole other breed of dog with the way his brown curls were flattened by the weight of the raindrops.

Not even taking a moment to get his breath back, Yuuri went to fetch a towel out of concern for Vicchan.

“Sit,” he ordered shakily, and Vicchan easily did so, waiting patiently as Yuuri dried him off carefully. Yuuri wondered if Vicchan could tell that something was wrong; going for jogs in the rain was a rare occasion, and he seemed more subdued than usual as he looked up at Yuuri affectionately whilst he got toweled down.

“Yuuri!” Yuuri nearly jumped out of his skin, looking up to see a very bemused-looking Victor. He was still wearing his pyjamas, and his silvery hair stuck up all over the back of his head. Yuuri’s joints seized up.

“You really went out for a run in this weather?! You’re drenched!” Victor’s eyes bored into him in disbelief, and Yuuri couldn’t help but get a flashback of a blurry kiss and faint touches as he looked into that crystal blue.

“Victor, I am _so sorry,_ ” Yuuri puffed out through his breathlessness.

“What is it?” Victor immediately retorted, that same concerned look only intensifying.

“Last night, I… I’m so sorry. I was drunk, and stupid, and I really promise I didn’t mean to kiss you like that. I got caught up in the moment and I wasn’t thinking straight and it was selfish and I really hope you’ll forgive me but I understand if you don’t and I didn’t mean to hurt you and Kouichi –“

“ _Yuuri,_ ” Victor cut him off, stepping forwards. There was something unreadable in Victor’s eyes, and Yuuri couldn’t help but feel on edge because of it. “It’s okay. If you didn’t mean to, it doesn’t matter. I trust you, Yuuri – if I really felt you were taking advantage of me like Kouichi had then I wouldn’t have let you do it. Everyone drunkenly kisses their friends. It’s not a big deal,” Victor smiled, a bittersweet lilt to his tone. Yuuri chewed his lip.

“But it _is…_ You’re my closest friend and your past is a big enough deal that I should have thought about it,” Yuuri sighed, his breath heaving.

“Please listen to me, Yuuri. I’m happy that you’re considering me. And if you didn’t mean to kiss me, then I’ll forget it happened. Okay?” he stopped short, a kind of curtness in his tone. Before Yuuri had time to come back at him, Victor wasn’t reading his lips anymore, and instead hooked an arm around Yuuri’s sodden shoulders.

“Come on, you’re a mess. You’ve dried Vicchan well enough – look after yourself now. You need to get out of these clothes and have a shower. Did you go swimming or something?” Victor smirked, gently pushing him towards the bedroom. An arm still around Yuuri’s shoulders, his tone dropped to a soft mumble. “I made tea for you. Once you’ve showered and changed, come sit down for a bit, okay? And you can have some breakfast, if you haven’t had some already.” A warm half-hug, and then he was gone.

A few words, and Yuuri could’ve sworn that Victor was able to talk directly to his heartbeat. So many constrictive feelings of doubt finally released the hold they had on his lungs as they slipped away, his breathing finally returning to normal. Peeling his drenched clothes from his form in a daze, Yuuri admired how Victor managed to speed up his heartrate so often, yet also quell it with ease.

Victor didn’t hate him for that kiss. Victor understood what he was feeling.

Those two facts alone filled Yuuri with that other kind of affectionate feeling – not the one where excitement and nervousness grips your gut, but that content, warm buzz that surfaces in every part of your body.

_Victor._

He walked into the en-suite and turned the shower on, and the water quickly warmed up. He hadn’t realised quite how cold he had been because of the rainwater; his limbs easily relaxed under the heated water, until his entire body was the same temperature of the warmth buzzing through his insides.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

To say Victor was disappointed would be an understatement. Okay, he had admittedly definitely seen this coming – with the way that Yuuri was usually so considerate of him, it wasn’t surprising that he’d regret that kind of drunken kiss. Yet, Victor was so smitten, that he had been just a little bit hopeful. But not enough so that he was willing to risk making Yuuri scared or anxious. Perhaps he really should have just let Yuuri know about his feelings, to put his mind at rest more than anything…

He sighed, scratching behind Vicchan’s soft ears, who was sitting at his feet at the kitchen table.

Victor was sucked out of his dream-like state when his eyes caught the screen of his phone light up, intrigued, considering the one he usually texted was in the shower right now.

 

**Unknown**

_congrats motherfucker !!! i guess_

Victor raised an eyebrow. He could hazard a pretty good guess at who this was, but he asked anyway.

 

**Victor**

_who is this?_

 

The reply was instant.

 

**Unknown**

_UHHH WHO ELSE DO YOU THINK_

_the guy that had to see you PASSIONATELY MAKING OUT with your japanese boyfriend. with these two innocent eyes !!_

 

Victor saved Yuri’s number to his contacts.

 

**Victor**

_i hardly think you can complain about that when you were doing the exact same with otabek :S anyway he was drunk and didn’t mean it so don’t congratulate me._

_how did u even get my number?? ;;_

**Yuri**

_chris FINALLY decided he would impart the precious knowledge to me_

_phichit has it too jsyk_

_ANYWAY ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? THAT GUY WAS LOOKING AT YOU AS IF YOU WERE THE BEST DOG HE HAD EVER SEEN THE ENTIRE NIGHT SO DON;T PULL THAT SHIT ON ME_

Victor couldn’t help but laugh. Ever since Yuri was a small child, he’d been like this – Victor could only describe it as furious kindness. His intentions were always kind, but he went about it in such a roundabout way that anyone on the outside would just see him as an asshole. Which he kind of was. But Victor knew that he wasn’t quite that simple.

So, hearing from Yuri that Yuuri seemed very interested in him didn’t fail to lift his hopes once more. Yuri wouldn’t lie, and honestly, when Victor sincerely thought about it, that kiss felt like much more than a straightforward drunken impulse.

He wouldn’t give up hope now. Not when things seemed the most promising.

He had already given up on Yuuri before, and how had he ended up? Nearly destroying all of his friendships even further for a man who just took advantage of him. Surely, that was a sign that the answer was lying in front of him all along.

“What do you think, Vicchan?” he cooed, and Vicchan looked up at him with his big brown eyes upon hearing his voice, and excitedly shuffled even more into Victor’s legs so that he could rest his chin on Victor’s knee. A slight twinge of pain shot through his injured joint, but Vicchan was looking so sweet that he didn’t have the heart to push him away. Instead, he simply leaned over and pressed multiple kisses into the top of his velvety forehead.

“You’re so cute, Vicchan,” Victor praised, and then all of a sudden, what Yuri had said popped into his mind.

‘ _That guy was looking at you as if you were the best dog he had ever seen’_.

…

…

Was Vicchan named after him??

The realisation only just clicked, after taking into account the coincidence of Yuuri having the same breed of dog as him, as well as the same name as Victor, and the fact that Yuuri had been a huge fan of his for years.

Yuuri named his dog after him.

Victor suddenly found himself on the brink of tears, looking into Vicchan’s eyes, whose tail was still twitching happily.

“Oh my god…” he said into Vicchan’s fur, voice cracking a little. Vicchan leant against him.

That was so cute. Yuuri was so cute. So cute. _Oh my god._

As if on cue, Victor looked up with bleary eyes to see Yuuri fresh out of the shower, long strands of hair still dripping water onto the towel around his neck. Yuuri gave him a shy smile, which promptly brought a blush to Victor’s cheeks.

‘Are you okay?’ Yuuri signed, carefully approaching the kitchen table. Gently removing his arms from around Vicchan’s shoulders, Victor gave Yuuri a tearful smile as he signed,

‘Of course, I’m really happy.’

Yuuri blinked a little, attempting to work out what exactly could’ve happened within the half hour that he had been home.

‘Why?’

‘You named Vicchan because of me, right?’ Victor’s lips pulled into an even wider smile. Yuuri’s face went as white as a sheet, his smile replaced by a nervous bite of his lip.

‘You only noticed now? You aren’t mad?’ he signed cautiously.

‘Of course not! In fact, it’s so cute that I sorta wanted to start crying,’ Victor laughed as he got up from the kitchen chair and reached out for Yuuri. He looked rather alarmed for a second, but quickly relaxed as Victor took hold of the towel around his neck, and began to gently dry off his hair.

“You don’t need to do that,” came to Yuuri’s lips, looking off to the side, but Victor could still see the hint of a smile there.

“I might not need to, but I want to,” Victor said. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

He took another few minutes to towel-dry the majority of Yuuri’s hair, Yuuri trying to avert his gaze all the while. Victor may have taken a few moments to feel the strands fall through his fingers, marveling at how soft it felt even whilst damp. He stopped himself from going too far, though, and when he was satisfied by how dry it was, he took the wet towel and hung it over the back of a chair.

“There,” he pronounced. “All done.”

“Thank you,” Yuuri offered him another shy smile.

‘Are you sure you feel okay? You were out in the rain for a long time,’ Victor signed, concern clear in his expression. Yuuri shook his head,

‘Don’t worry, I’m fine,’ he replied.

“If you’re sure… Come on, the teapot should still be warm. How long until you go to work?” Victor asked, ushering him towards the sofa via the small of his back.

‘I start at three, so I have a few hours,’ Yuuri replied, sitting down on the sofa as per Victor’s request.

“It’s jasmine,” Victor let him know as he poured out two cups of the fragrant tea.

‘Thank you,’ Yuuri signed before taking a cup and nestling it between his palms.

Slowly, as the tea warmed them up and the severity of the stormy weather outside subsided to a therapeutic pitter-pat on the window frames, Yuuri started to become more open and comfortable around Victor again, as he usually was.

They spoke about everything, from their favourite types of tea, to ‘what’s your earliest memory?’. Yuuri’s cheeks were red from the tea, or the shower, or whatever the reason, and whenever he laughed and smiled fondly whilst looking up into Victor’s eyes, affection burned strongly in Victor’s throat. He was so attracted to Yuuri’s beauty that he figured there was no way that he could stop himself from telling Yuuri about his feelings soon. He had to talk about it at some point.

He adored him.

Somehow, two hours went by, and Yuuri got ready to leave for work. Victor hugged him and told him to ‘be safe’, to which Yuuri replied ‘thanks, look after Vicchan’, and left. It was so domestic that Victor could have squealed the moment that the front door closed behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

After having been ignored for the best part of four hours, it seemed like Yuri had gotten bitter about it with the way Victor’s phone was vibrating incessantly again.

 

**Yuri**

_fucking reply to my texts_

_bet you were too busy thinking about yUuuUUUri_

_anyways back to why I actually got your number._

_i’m only here until friday so we should meet up and skate cuz it’s been soo many years lol_

_if u wanna._

This was exactly the type of situation that Victor would have either declined or outright ignored just half a year ago. The burden of his injury, his deafness, his retirement, his failure – it effectively had him completely encaged by fear of disappointment from those who had once looked up to him. But, ever since Yuuri taught him that none of that was what mattered, his interest was perked up simply by the prospect of getting to skate with an old friend once more. The realisation was absolutely liberating.

 

**Victor**

_that sounds fun! it’s been so long since i got to see you skate in person~_

_how about weds lunchtime? since i have work tomorrow_

_come to ukima, the rink is less busy than shinjuku’s_

**Yuri**

_cool_

_by the way PLEASE bring your loud boyfriend cuz phichit will not shut the fuck up about seeing him again_

 

Victor laughed a little. These two were really not going to expect the shy, clumsy Yuuri that Victor knew and loved after only meeting an obnoxiously drunk Yuuri. Still, Victor expected they’d find the usual Yuuri just as likeable. He certainly knew that he did.

 

**Victor**

_of course, i’m sure that yuuri would like to see phichit again too_

_but please be nice to him… he’s much more nervous sober_

Victor set his phone down, in a peaceful state of looking forward to their plans. It was still drizzling outside, and as the dreary outlook of day-long showers stayed present, Victor was reminded of the same kind of spring showers back in St. Petersburg. For a while, it was a peaceful memory, and with the way that Vicchan was tucked into his side having a nap on the sofa, Victor could almost pretend that he was back home. Twenty-five years old, relaxing for the evening after a whole day of training, singing to Makkachin as they cuddled up together, listening to the sound of rain lashing against the window. All that was different was that he didn’t hear the rain anymore. In fact, that spring was probably the last time he heard it.

But it had been that spring when his father – when he –

Victor quickly shook himself, concentrating instead on the texture of Vicchan’s fur as he tried his best to stop triggering a fully-fledged flashback. He was safe, he was in Japan, he hadn’t seen his father for years, and now, he was deaf. It was different. Nothing from St. Petersburg could hurt him anymore.

 

Appeased with the way he had contained any resurfacing bad memories, he passed the time waiting for Yuuri to come back unexceptionally. He fed Vicchan, and watched trashy TV, cooked dinner for himself and Yuuri the best he could out of what he could find in the cupboards, and took a bath.

 

 

As it got nearer to 9pm, Victor went to text Yuuri to see how work was going, and if he’d be coming back right after closing time. Just as he began to type it out, the phone buzzed with a new message from Yuuri, of all people. Victor smiled, his heart leaping, only for it to drop just as quickly when he actually saw the contents.

 

**Yuuri**

_Victor, this is Yuuko, Yuuri just passed out and I don’t know what to do. I know you’re at Yuuri’s so please come help_

Victor shot up as if he had just been electrocuted, thoroughly bemusing Vicchan. His mind whirled through every single awful situation, and he took an embarrassingly long time to do up the buttons on his coat with his fumbling fingers.

 

**Victor**

_omw_

He typed out the text quickly, and told Vicchan a swift “sorry, I’ll be back” as he picked up the spare keys to Yuuri’s apartment and left.

He realised he probably should have brought a couple of umbrellas as soon as he was running down the street through the unpleasant downfall of raindrops, his calves getting wet as the puddles he rushed through spat at him with icy droplets.

Arriving at the café in a frenzy, he felt a huge sigh of relief brush through his lips as he saw Yuuri through the window, conscious, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He burst through the front door, and the five people in the café turned to look at him. There was a young couple standing opposite Yuuri, looking very concerned and helpless, and a third woman sitting down next to Yuuri. On the other side of Yuuri, Yuuko was perched there, looking even more concerned and helpless than the customers.

“Yuuri,” Victor softly voiced his concern, “what happened?” he asked as he came to squat down with the little group cornering Yuuri.

“Victor, I’m okay,” Yuuri said, but his eyes looked extremely weary and his face extremely pale.

Victor then noticed the woman next to Yuuri, who he assumed was a customer, begin to speak.

“I think he is okay, as far as reasons for fainting goes. His temperature very warm, so I think he has a cold, or some kind of virus. He didn’t hurt his head, and he came around about a minute or so after fainting, so it’s probably just a fever,” the woman surmised. “I’m on the medical team at the Kiri Arena, so I’m used to seeing people collapse due to falling sick…” she explained.

“Thank you for checking him out,” Victor said, before reaching out to put a palm to Yuuri’s face. He felt absolutely scorching hot, especially since Victor’s fingertips were cold from the wind outside. “I’m familiar with first aid too, since I was an athlete, so I’ll keep an eye on him. I’ll call the ambulance if he gets any worse,” Victor affirmed, mainly nodding towards Yuuko, since she her wide eyes gave away the fact that she was worried out of her mind.

‘I’m okay, Victor… It’s just my chest hurts, and I feel really cold’, Yuuri signed weakly, and Victor grabbed hold of his gesturing hands.

“I know you do. Don’t bother signing right now, okay? Don’t expend any more energy than you need to,” Victor smiled at him, letting him know that it was okay. “Yuuko, I’ll take him home, so please don’t worry. Do you have an umbrella, though?”

“Oh, of course! You can take mine,” Yuuko insisted, standing up to retrieve a purple umbrella from behind the counter before thrusting it into Victor’s hand. She then disappeared into the staff room, and came back with Yuuri’s bag and coat.

“Can you stand?” Victor asked Yuuri, offering him a hand. Yuuri nodded, and took his hand gratefully as he slowly came to stand.

“Do call him an ambulance if anything seems worrying,” the woman from the Kiri Arena said with a business-like expression.

“I will,” Victor affirmed.

“You’re Victor Nikiforov, yes?” she continued.

_Please not now._

“Yes, why?” he answered stiffly.

“It’s an honor to have met such an esteemed figure skater,” the woman smiled up at him. Victor gave a stretched smile in return.

“I’m not a figure skater anymore, so don’t think of it as a big deal. Right now, I’m just here because this guy is important to me,” he said softly, taking his attention off the woman and back onto Yuuri. If she said anything else, Victor didn’t see, because he was more focused on helping Yuuri get into his coat. Once he was satisfied that they were ready to go home, Victor gave a nod to Yuuko. She nodded back, and then turned to the three remaining customers.

“Everything is okay, don’t worry. However, we will need to close early, so please accept my apologies. I’ll put any food or drink you have left into takeaway containers,” Victor saw Yuuko announce, and he put an arm around Yuuri’s waist to support him as they left the café.

 

 

Thankfully, the rain hadn’t started falling any harder, and moonlight had the street lit well, its reflection beaming up from the puddles. Still concerned for Yuuri’s welfare, he ended up taking his own coat and draping it around Yuuri’s shoulders, making him as snug as possible under Victor’s arm and the umbrella.

“Hang in there, we’ll be home soon,” he assured Yuuri as he felt his slim shoulders quiver.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” Yuuri said as Victor looked down at his paled face. “Since… I guess… it’s my own fault.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” Victor hushed him, more worried about helping him stand and walk slowly.

The situation reminded him of when Yuuri had helped him walk back to his home nearly half a year ago; Yuuri had comforted him and held him in the same kind of way, and supported him and his painful limbs down the moonlit street even though he barely knew him. In fact, basically the only thing that was different was that now Victor was taking that role, and they were walking on the other side of the street. It warmed Victor’s heart to directly see the way that they were willing to look after each other. They complemented each other, and what coursed through Victor’s veins was a fierce feeling of wanting to take care of the man in his arms, and support him in return for as long as life would allow him.

 

When they entered Yuuri’s apartment, he tried his best to avoid tripping over Vicchan, who he could see running all around their feet excitedly and barking incessantly.

“Not now, Vicchan, Yuuri’s sick,” Victor explained to him as if he would understand, even though Vicchan only wagged his tail even faster at Victor giving him some attention.

He only let go of Yuuri’s waist once he was safely sitting on his bed, his body still shaking with feverish chills. He really needed to get Yuuri to bed, even if he wasn’t able to sleep yet.

“You should change into pyjamas,” Victor suggested to him, and Yuuri nodded shallowly. “Should I step out of the room for a minute?” he asked, eager to keep an eye on Yuuri, but knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to keep himself from ogling, he felt guilty about it.

“No, it’s okay,” Yuuri said, and Victor passed him a t-shirt and some sweatpants which had been hanging over the chair in the corner of the room. Yuuri cautiously began to undress, and Victor used all of his willpower to not directly look at him. It was _not_ the time to be thinking about his body.

…And yet, after all, Yuuri’s figure was beautifully sculpted with elegant curves that Victor could never help but admire. It was the perfect form for a figure skater, and he tried his best to ignore the turn in his gut upon seeing Yuuri’s narrow waist. After all, Yuuri really was beautiful.

 

Conscious of his guilt, Victor shut down all those kinds of thoughts once Yuuri slid under the covers.

“Aren’t you going to brush your teeth?” Victor asked him. Yuuri shook his head.

“It’s too cold… and my body aches,” he said pitifully, and Victor gave him a sad smile.

“Alright then,” Victor conceded. “I know you feel cold, but you need something to keep your fever down, so I’ll get you a cold towel for your head,” he explained. Yuuri gave another shallow nod. Victor found some face towels in the bathroom, and he let the tap run for a while so that the water was cold enough. He wetted a cream-coloured towel and filled a glass with water, then attentively returned to Yuuri’s side of the bed.

As he carefully set the towel against his forehead, Yuuri’s face contorted into a pained expression and seemed to whine at the unpleasant feeling of chilled water against his blazing temperature. A pang of guilt shot through Victor’s heart.

“I’m so sorry, but please bear with it…” Victor bit his lip.

“I know,” Yuuri replied, his whole body shivering at the sensation. Victor honestly felt as if he could sense pain in his own body, seeing how uncomfortable Yuuri was.

“I do wish someone hadn’t gone for a run in the cold early morning in the middle of a storm,” Victor sighed, a fond lilt to his expression. Yuuri looked up at him accusingly.

“You can’t tease me, I’m sick,” he said. Victor smiled.

“Of course,” he said. “I’ll leave you to sleep now, okay?” Victor continued as he checked Yuuri’s temperature one last time. It felt a tiny bit better, with the help of the towel. He drew back, however Yuuri’s hand suddenly came out to grasp at his t-shirt. Victor looked back at his face in surprise.

“I don’t want you to go,” Yuuri said, eyes downcast. Victor’s heart lurched. He could find a solution to that easily enough.

“Okay, then. I’ll be right here,” Victor assured him, maneuvering to sit down in the bed next to Yuuri. Yuuri slowly turned over to face him.

“Thank you,” he said with a sincere expression, before he finally closed his weary-looking eyes. Victor couldn’t take his eyes off of his form, an irrational sense of worry giving him a feeling that he might disappear any second. A couple of minutes went by, and Victor saw that the rise and fall of Yuuri’s chest had become deep and even. He was glad that Yuuri had managed to fall asleep, as just being awake whilst ill is hard enough. The sight made Victor sleepy himself.

“Goodnight, Yuuri,” he said quietly, affection bubbling through his stomach. He took a chance, and bent down to press a couple of what he hoped were comforting kisses to Yuuri’s temple.

His serene expression of deep sleep didn’t waver, and Victor happily shuffled down into the blankets to lay next to Yuuri. His own eyes closed soon after, soothed just by watching Yuuri breathe.

For as long as he could, Victor would fight to keep him safe like this.


End file.
